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Reclaim Your Time and Energy: 6 Key Boundaries for Women Business Owners
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This transcript is computer generated and may contain errors and not be an exact representation of the audio
Hi this is Welcome to Self® and I’m your host, Dr Hayley D Quinn, the anti-burnout business coach. I’m a speaker, author, former clinical psychologist and a late identified auDHDer.
Welcome to Self ® is a podcast for business owners like you who want success but not at the cost of your well-being. This is about transforming self and transforming business. I’ll be here to remind you that you’re human first and as well as being a business owner, you have different roles in your life that need your attention and to manage those well, you need to take care of yourself in the best way possible.
Here you’ll learn about practices that’ll help you navigate not just your business but your non-work life as well and you’ll realise that you’re not alone in the ways you struggle. You’ll have your curiosity piqued on various topics as I chat with wonderful guests and bring you solo bite-sized episodes.
I’m here for service-based business owners and entrepreneurs like you, to help you increase your self-care and compassion, change your relationship with yourself and your business, and elevate your business to a new level so you can live the full and meaningful life you desire.
This is a place of nourishment, growth and helpful information. A place where you can learn ways to assist you and your business to thrive.
We’ll talk all things mindset, strategy and well-being and I’m so excited you’re here. If you haven’t already, go and hit subscribe so you don’t miss an episode.
So, let’s get started
Hi, and welcome to another episode.
I hope you’ve been enjoying the guest episodes, and also the reflective questions that have been in the solo bite-sized episodes as well.
So today, I want to talk to you about self-neglect. And I’m not talking about the sort of level of you’re no longer showering, or eating, or taking care of yourself in that way, although that might be something you’re struggling with. I’m talking about those moments where you just lose sight of yourself.
You’re not doing the things that you know are going to be important for your wellbeing. You’re putting everybody else’s needs in front of your own. You’re perhaps forgetting that you’re human first.
So, some of the ways this might show up is… In a little example, like… You’re sending everyone else off for their day with their lunch. And when it comes to lunchtime for yourself, you’re realising that you actually forgot to make your own.
This is something I hear quite frequently from people. We’re so focused on taking care of the other that we forget to take care of ourselves in the meantime.
One of the things you can try and practice with that is actually make your own lunch first. Pop it aside, and then make other people’s. Or, if you’re all having the same thing, make sure you add in enough serves so that one of them is for you.
So many women, and particularly mothers that I speak to, end up just eating the scraps off their children’s plate. That’s no way to take care of your body.
Another thing might be that you find yourself in a situation, and it upsets you. It triggers something in you that brings up some difficult feelings, and you push them aside. And ignore them, or minimize them.
What you can do for this is perhaps set aside maybe 10 minutes. Not just before you go to bed, I don’t think that’s a great idea, but sometime in your day after the situation has happened, where you can actually spend some time just acknowledging how you felt in that. And if you need to do something more about it, maybe you need to talk to somebody, or perhaps do some journaling, then you can do that. But even if the minimum that you do is just acknowledge that you felt upset, or something was triggered. And you can let yourself know that you’ve noticed that, and that your feelings matter.
Now, I hear people say, I don’t have 10 minutes to sit aside. I don’t know that that’s actually the truth, that you don’t have 10 minutes. It can feel like you don’t, but even if it’s a few minutes. And if you are perhaps at home with lots of other people, or perhaps you’ve got small children, maybe go hide away in a cupboard, or go and sit on the toilet and lock the door. And yes, the children might still be talking to you through the door, but perhaps you can focus in on what it is you need to focus in on in that short period of time.
The other thing that I hear a lot is people not managing to attend activities that they enjoy. They’re so busy organising everything for everybody else, or busy with a work project, or whatever it might be, and they’re not engaging in the things they want to engage in.
So think about when was the last time you actually engaged in an activity that you wanted to do. Something you really enjoy, and perhaps you’ve been putting it off.
What can be helpful? Not foolproof, but helpful, can be blocking out your diary and putting those things in your diary before opening up your diary to everybody else. If it’s in there, perhaps mark it as important. And I know some of you will put it in there and then take it back out. Try not to do that. I know there’s times that you’re gonna have to do that, but try your best not to do that. At least if it’s in there. You’re one step closer to being able to do it. Or maybe book that class. Actually get your name on the list, or whatever it is that you need to do.
Also, think about how often are you pushing back your dreams and desires? Setting aside the things you want to do in service of being there for everybody else, getting that project finished, rushing through your to-do list.
I want you to take a few minutes. To get really honest with yourself about why you’re doing that. Why you’re not treating your dreams and desires like they matter. Why you’re not focusing on the things that you want in your life.
And there can be multiple reasons for this. This is going to be unique to you. But if there’s things you’ve really wanted to do, whether that’s starting a new project, going traveling, changing your career, whatever it might be. Be really honest with yourself, and ask yourself, what is it that is stopping you from doing that? It might be practical things, you might not be resourced enough. But it also might be linked to some limiting beliefs or stories that you’re telling yourself. And if you can uncover what those are, you’ve got a better chance of actually doing the things that you want to do.
You matter. Your needs matter. And when we are in continual self-neglect, it leads us to a smaller life, often feeling less energized. Worst case leading to burnout, and I don’t want anyone going there, that is not a good place to be. We don’t just want you surviving through life, we want you thriving in your life.
If you can tune in to yourself, get to know yourself. Really understand what it is you want. What’s working for you in your life? What’s not working for you? You can start to make changes. That will lead you towards the life that you actually want to be living.
I’m excited to say that the pre-orders for the book, From Self-Neglect to Self-Compassion, A Compassionate Guide to Creating a Thriving Life, will be open next week. There’s a link in the show notes. And… I’m so excited to get this book into your hands, because I know that it is going to… Help you make changes. I’ve had some beautiful feedback from some people who generously took time to read the book. And… I really know it’s going to be helpful, so I’m really excited about that. If you’re on my mailing list, you will be getting some more emails about the release of the book. And there will be some sneak peeks, and also some bonuses that I’ll be offering to people who are on the book waitlist.
I encourage you to check in with yourself, on a regular basis. Remember that you are human first. Your needs matter. And to always go gently with yourself. We can offer ourselves compassion in everything that we do. And for me, that has been an absolute game changer.
If you’ve been following me over on Instagram, I am doing the lives daily, which is helping you practice checking in with yourself. They will be going until next week. And… If you’re enjoying those, it’s something I might continue to do into the future as well, so feel free to let me know.
We’re nearly at the end of the season. We’ll be bringing you some more episodes and some more reflective questions. I hope you’re finding it helpful. In the meantime, go well and go gently with yourselves, and I’ll see you next week.