Links to Dr Hayley D Quinn Resources
Reclaim Your Time and Energy: 6 Key Boundaries for Women Business Owners
Download here, completely FREE! https://drhayleydquinn.com/resources/
Book now available: https://drhayleydquinn.com/product/book/
Link to podcast mailing list: https://drhayleydquinn.com/podcast/
Group Coaching Waitlist: https://drhayleydquinn.myflodesk.com/timetothrivewaitlist
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drhayleydquinn
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedIn.com/in/dr-hayley-d-quinn-43386533
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drhayleydquinn
This transcript is computer generated and may contain errors and not be an exact representation of the audio
Hi this is Welcome to Self® and I’m your host, Dr Hayley D Quinn, the anti-burnout business coach. I’m a speaker, author, former clinical psychologist and a late identified auDHDer.
Welcome to Self ® is a podcast for business owners like you who want success but not at the cost of your well-being. This is about transforming self and transforming business. I’ll be here to remind you that you’re human first and as well as being a business owner, you have different roles in your life that need your attention and to manage those well, you need to take care of yourself in the best way possible.
Here you’ll learn about practices that’ll help you navigate not just your business but your non-work life as well and you’ll realise that you’re not alone in the ways you struggle. You’ll have your curiosity piqued on various topics as I chat with wonderful guests and bring you solo bite-sized episodes.
I’m here for service-based business owners and entrepreneurs like you, to help you increase your self-care and compassion, change your relationship with yourself and your business, and elevate your business to a new level so you can live the full and meaningful life you desire.
This is a place of nourishment, growth and helpful information. A place where you can learn ways to assist you and your business to thrive.
We’ll talk all things mindset, strategy and well-being and I’m so excited you’re here. If you haven’t already, go and hit subscribe so you don’t miss an episode.
So, let’s get started
Hi, and welcome back to another episode. Oh my gosh, how good was that episode last week with Kim James? If you haven’t already tuned in, I highly recommend that you do. I had such a lovely time chatting with her. She’s quite a remarkable woman, and she is our second to last guest of the season. So, go check out all the guest episodes. They’ve been fantastic stories from other people who have been through the burnout experience and come through the other end and learn how to do things differently.
So, this week’s episode, it’s just going to be a solo episode and a short one. I’m in the process of dealing with pre-orders. The book, as you can see there, has arrived, and pre-orders opened last week, and there’s already people who have been buying it, which is fantastic, and thank you, thank you, thank you so much. It means the absolute world to me. Pre-orders are really important for authors because it really helps the algorithm gods tell whoever they need to tell that the book is wanted by people, and then it gets shown to more people and all that kind of stuff. So, I don’t understand the technicalities, nor do I desire to. Also, if you order directly from me, if you’re in Australia, you can order directly from me and get a signed copy of the book, and if you do pre-order, it means I’ll know how many copies to buy, so that would be really helpful as well.
So, the book is called From Self Neglect to Self Compassion, and I just wanted to talk a little bit today about what self-neglect is and what it might look like, because I think it’s a term we don’t really use very much unless it becomes—using that focus on neglect—where it becomes very kind of crisis-oriented, very detrimental. So, I just want to clear up that when I use the term self-neglect, I’m talking about a variety of behaviours, and I’m just going to do a little read from the book because I got a list in there that you can have a look at with some examples.
So, there may be things like skipping meals because they need your attention. Now that might be family, it might be your boss, it could be your friends, your children, who knows, but that you’re skipping meals because other people require something from you. It might be that you’re feeling upset about a situation and then minimising the impact that it has on you. And we can have many, many moments of that even throughout a day, let alone days, weeks, years. It could be minimising the importance of something you plan to do. Again, often what I hear and see is you minimise the importance of it because somebody else wants something from you, and you want to make sure you’re serving them and meeting their needs, and in that, your needs get missed. It might be staying in a job you dread. It might be year upon year pushing back your dream of starting your own business or changing your career, travelling, or whatever your dream might be. You might be buying treats and gifts for others, but never treating yourself.
So, those are just a few from the list in the book. And people who have read the book and other people I’ve spoken to about that have been quite surprised that even when they think they look after themselves quite well, and in many ways they will, that they could tick a lot of the things on that list. So, I’m glad I included some examples in the book. And there’s ways that you can start to change the relationship you have with yourself. You’ve probably heard me talk about that a lot. I think the foundation of all this is the relationship we have with ourselves. Mine was really neglectful and very critical, and through the power of compassion and the practice of doing things differently, and learning and embodying compassion, I learnt to change the relationship with myself, and that had a really beautiful flow-on effect for the rest of my life.
So, there’s things that you can start to do differently. There’s things that you can recognise about how you are in relationship with yourself and what you might need to change so that things can improve in your life, or in your work, or overall. And then it is really about practicing doing those things. This isn’t a learn something, do it once, and then forget about it. This really is about a different way of living your life, and the benefits from it are huge. Like, I could never imagine the life that I’m living now when I think back on how I used to be with myself.
You know, last week I opened pre-orders for the book on the same day—well, I did a sneaky open of the pre-orders of the book for the people on my book waiting list, because I really do like to acknowledge and show gratitude to the people who are in my community. So, I did a little sneaky early access for the pre-orders, but officially on the day that pre-orders opened, I also submitted a TedX application, which was really exciting. But what I noticed was with all the excitement and some of the stress of getting all the application—I had to do a little 60-second video for the TedX application, and when I thought I’d nailed it, it was 62 seconds long, so I had to do it again, but that’s life, right? Anyway, I managed to do it. I got it in the 60 seconds and I got the application in.
So, our nervous system gets activated not only through stress that we might see as negative, but also stress that actually is quite positive, like excitement. So, what I was noticing during the day, particularly on that day, and also that week of the book kind of being ready for pre-orders, was that my stress levels were higher than normal. So, I was really mindful of doing the check-ins and asking myself what I needed, but also just factoring in rest during that process as well.
So, I think it’s important that we look at what is it that we’ve got on. Have a think for a minute, what have you got on this week or coming up in the near future that you know is going to put some strain on your nervous system? And like I say, it doesn’t have to be what we perceive as negative stress, it could be that you’ve got lots of excitement as well, that’s still elevating our nervous system. So, we want to make sure that we’re not in a heightened state all of the time. So, have a quick think now, what have you got on now, today, in the next few days, in the coming week that you might need to factor in some additional self-care around that time? And it might be something that you can do for yourself, it might be something you need to seek support for as well.
One of the things I really like about the book is it takes you through understanding yourself, thinking about what it is you want—your dreams, your values, the ideas you’ve got for yourself—then thinking about what you need to do differently and giving you examples of how you can do that. And I’m really looking at all the life demands of what’s important for this overall well-being, but also there’s a part in there about asking for help and why that can be hard, because I think many of us have lots of barriers to asking for help. And sometimes the thing we need most is support from another person. And again, that might be a family member, it might be a friend, it might be that you’re struggling with something that you need to do some deeper work with a therapist, or you might want to do some work with a coach.
So, have a think about what you’ve got coming up and what you need, like really check in and listen to yourself. And then the other part of that is—it’s been really, really prominent for me—is really staying true to remembering to celebrate everything along the way. I have been eating lots of my favourite Local Love chocolate at different stages along the way, and I’ll be having different celebrations with different people to celebrate the achievement of the book and all the other things that I’ve got going on in my life. So, have a think as well, what are some things that you have that you can celebrate in your life? And it might just be something really small, and the celebration might be something really small, and that’s really okay. It’s about starting to get into the practice of celebrating what you’re doing.
I’ve got another guest next week. I’m really looking forward to bringing that one to you. It’s not recorded yet, so I don’t want to jinx it and say I’ve got another guest in case it doesn’t happen, but that is the plan. We’ve got a guest booked for next week. And in the meantime, as always, go well and go gently with yourselves, and I’ll see you next week. Thanks for tuning in, bye.
Thanks for sharing this time with me today. I hope it’s been helpful and supportive. If there’s been something in this episode that you have found helpful, I encourage you to share it with your business besties so they can benefit too. Shares, ratings, and reviews really help to increase awareness and reach of the podcast, meaning more people can benefit from the information. I really appreciate you taking the time. If you’d like to know about the ways we can work together, check out my website at drhaleydquinn.com. I’ll pop the link in the show notes, and you can also join my mailing list from there and be kept up to date with all that is happening.
I do need to say, because you know, legal stuff, this podcast is solely for the purpose of education and entertainment. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for individual advice or advice of health professionals or other qualified professionals. Okay, now we’ve got that formal stuff out of the way. I love hearing from listeners, so don’t be shy. Reach out and let me know your thoughts on the episode or what else you’d like to hear about.
I wish you well in your relationship with yourself and your business, and may you go well and go gently. And remember, if you thrive, your business will too.