Links to Dr Hayley D Quinn Resources
Reclaim Your Time and Energy: 6 Key Boundaries for Women Business Owners
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This transcript is computer generated and may contain errors and not be an exact representation of the audio
Hi this is Welcome to Self® and I’m your host, Dr Hayley D Quinn, the anti-burnout business coach. I’m a speaker, author, former clinical psychologist and a late identified auDHDer.
Welcome to Self ® is a podcast for business owners like you who want success but not at the cost of your well-being. This is about transforming self and transforming business. I’ll be here to remind you that you’re human first and as well as being a business owner, you have different roles in your life that need your attention and to manage those well, you need to take care of yourself in the best way possible.
Here you’ll learn about practices that’ll help you navigate not just your business but your non-work life as well and you’ll realise that you’re not alone in the ways you struggle. You’ll have your curiosity piqued on various topics as I chat with wonderful guests and bring you solo bite-sized episodes.
I’m here for service-based business owners and entrepreneurs like you, to help you increase your self-care and compassion, change your relationship with yourself and your business, and elevate your business to a new level so you can live the full and meaningful life you desire.
This is a place of nourishment, growth and helpful information. A place where you can learn ways to assist you and your business to thrive.
We’ll talk all things mindset, strategy and well-being and I’m so excited you’re here. If you haven’t already, go and hit subscribe so you don’t miss an episode.
So, let’s get started
Dr Hayley D Quinn: Hi, and welcome back to another episode. This one’s going to be a little bit different. I’ve got Emily Wilkinson back. Emily is a psychologist, an award-winning poet, and founder of Flourishing Space. She interviewed me a little while ago about my burnout story, and I’ve got her back today to interview me again. I think you’re going to really like this episode. Emily is a great interviewer—I should perhaps consider her as a co-host one day!
Anyway, let’s get started. Thank you, Emily, so much for coming back on and doing this with me. I really appreciate it.
Emily Wilkinson: Thanks, Hayley, it’s an absolute pleasure. So, we’re going to be talking a bit more about your book today, which is really exciting. I’ve actually been reading it for a second time, which has been so lovely, uncovering all sorts of extra parts I hadn’t picked up on as strongly the first time. I’m sure I’m not alone in that. Going back to the beginning, what first prompted you to write the book?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: Well, I was actually writing a different book at the time. Four years ago, I’d started writing a book on self-care for therapists. It just didn’t feel like the right book. I’d been talking to a publisher and they wanted something slightly different, so I put it down and didn’t touch it.
Then in January of last year, I thought to myself, “Well, I can write a book on self-care for business owners.” I was about 10,000 words in when the title of the book I eventually wrote just kept coming to me and wouldn’t leave me alone. I just kept hearing: From Self-Neglect to Self-Compassion. I mentioned it to three different people, and each of them said it gave them goosebumps. I figured that was the book I was supposed to write, so I got on and wrote it.
Emily Wilkinson: Wow, incredible. Almost like you were being guided.
Dr Hayley D Quinn: Yeah, it felt like the book chose me.
Emily Wilkinson: That sounds like record time for writing a book. It sounds like it was quite quick, relatively speaking?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: Yeah, I started writing it in mid-March and got the first draft to my publisher by the end of July. After that, I ended up adding 20,000 more words. I didn’t even realise I’d done that, but as I was reading through, I just wanted to expand on things or add little bits in. We were at the final stages around September or October, and we went to pre-orders in November.
Emily Wilkinson: Just wow. Were you surprised by that?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: I was! I’d kept an Excel spreadsheet to track my word count, but I didn’t really have a “process.” Some people say you need to sit and write every day, but that wasn’t for me. I wrote when I wrote, and sometimes I didn’t write for a week. But when I look back, I actually wrote the book in only 16 sittings.
Emily Wilkinson: Wow. How did it feel at the time when you were actually writing?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: I just felt like I was in flow a lot of the time. I’d start, and before I knew it, a few hours had passed and there was lots of content there. It’s been a really lovely process. I’d heard people say that by the time you finish a book, you’re sick of it, but that hasn’t been my experience at all.
Emily Wilkinson: It’s interesting you use the word “flow,” because the voice in the book flows so beautifully. When I’m reading it, I can almost hear you saying it out loud to me.
Dr Hayley D Quinn: A few people have said that—either people who know me personally or listeners of the podcast. It’s like having me sitting there with you. There will be an audiobook coming in a few weeks, too, so that’s exciting.
Emily Wilkinson: Fantastic. Were there any chapters that felt easier or more difficult to write than others?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: Including my own story was… not difficult, but it required choosing how much to share. I’m a big believer that nobody is entitled to your story, so we get to choose how much we share publicly to protect our privacy. But also, the book isn’t about me. It’s about the reader and how they can make changes in their own lives. I actually wrote most of that chapter about myself last. I wrote a little bit, then came back at the end once I knew what else was in the book.
Emily Wilkinson: That’s so considered. Did anything about that part surprise you, or did things resurface that you’d forgotten?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: Nothing that surprised me particularly. Because I have a history of domestic violence and mental health issues, I was very mindful to connect with my compassionate self and take care of my own needs during that part of the writing. It was a lovely constant reminder to “walk the talk.” It was also quite a lovely process to reflect on my journey—where I came from and where I am now.
Emily Wilkinson: You were really walking the talk. There are things in the book that are very raw, but they feel shared in such an intentional way to connect with the reader.
Dr Hayley D Quinn: Thank you. I wanted to use not only my professional knowledge and clinical training but also my lived experience—specifically the parts I have healed from. I chose them because I believed other people would see themselves in those stories, feel validated, and hopefully find some inspiration that things can change.
Emily Wilkinson: Beautiful. Did you get a sense of your future self while you were writing?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: I felt connected to both past and future versions of me. One thing that came through strongly was: “The book’s already written, Hayley, and there are people waiting for it.” That motivated me to keep going. I even had a similar saying on my whiteboard.
There’s a sense of pride in it, too, especially having dropped out of school at 16. To have gone through everything, earned my PhD, built a career in psychology, and then intentionally left that to focus on my business and write this book… I feel proud. My younger self is pretty happy that there’s a book out there with her name on it.
Emily Wilkinson: I love that. Beyond the text, there are also incredible exercises and guided meditations. How did you choose which meditations to include?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: I just chose whatever felt like it fitted with the chapter. There are eight guided meditations throughout the book. I knew from the start I didn’t want this to just be a book; I wanted it to be an experience where the reader felt supported. I included the scripts, but I also provided a QR code so they can listen to me guiding them. I also suggest that readers record themselves reading the meditations, because hearing your own compassionate voice can be so powerful for practice.
Emily Wilkinson: There is such a strong sense of invitation in the book, rather than dictating how things should be.
Dr Hayley D Quinn: Exactly. I didn’t want it to be a prescriptive “five steps to a thriving life.” We are all individuals. These are suggestions that people can take and adapt to work for them.
Emily Wilkinson: Change the tone slightly—were there any chapters that felt more exposing than others?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: I sprinkle bits of my life throughout the book to highlight different experiences for people. There is a level of vulnerability there, but I really feel okay with it. Years ago, I would have kept myself hidden, wanting to hide any flaws or imperfections. Now, I am who I am. If my story helps, fantastic.
I expected the process to be hard, but it was an absolute joy. I think only two or three times did I say to my husband, “This bit is feeling a bit hard,” usually when it was time to send it to the publisher or the editor. But even the professional editing was validating—it came back with very few edits! Hearing from a professional that they liked my writing felt very cool.
Emily Wilkinson: When you work with people, what do you notice shifts first when they start practicing self-compassion?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: People often feel quite confronted by how critical they’ve been of themselves, or how much they haven’t been paying attention to their own needs. That realisation leads to them being more connected to themselves and curious about what they want. They start making more time for themselves and saying “no” to things they don’t want to do, instead of defaulting to “yes.”
Emily Wilkinson: What’s the biggest misconception people have about compassion?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: That it’s a “soft, fluffy” thing and that you’ll lose your edge if you’re compassionate. But courage is at the heart of compassion. It’s not just about being kind; it’s about strength and wisdom. It is one of the bravest acts you can take in your life.
Emily Wilkinson: If the book could offer readers just one internal shift, what would you want it to be?
Dr Hayley D Quinn: To notice how you engage with yourself and do your best to soften it, even just a little. Going from a toxic, hostile relationship with myself to one where my default is compassion has made it so much nicer to be with myself. It makes life feel easier. I want people to acknowledge that they really matter. Your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s.
Thanks for sharing this time with me today, I hope it’s been helpful and supportive.
If there’s been something in this episode that you have found helpful, I encourage you to share it with your business besties so they can benefit too. Shares, ratings and reviews really help to increase awareness and reach of the podcast, meaning more people can benefit from the information. I really appreciate you taking the time.
If you’d like to know about the ways we can work together, check out my website at drhayleydquinn.com, I’ll pop the link in the show notes, and you can also join my mailing list from there and be kept up to date with all that is happening.
I do need to say (because you know legal stuff), this podcast is solely for the purpose of education and entertainment. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for individual advice or advice of health professionals or other qualified professionals.
OK now we’ve got that formal stuff out of the way, I love hearing from listeners so don’t be shy, reach out and let me know your thoughts on the episode or what else you’d like to hear about. I wish you well in your relationship with yourself and your business and may you go well and go gently and remember if you thrive your business will too!