Links to Dr Hayley D Quinn Resources
Reclaim Your Time and Energy: 6 Key Boundaries for Women Business Owners
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This transcript is computer generated and may contain errors and not be an exact representation of the audio
Hi this is Welcome to Self® and I’m your host, Dr Hayley D Quinn, the anti-burnout business coach. I’m a speaker, author, former clinical psychologist and a late identified auDHDer.
Welcome to Self ® is a podcast for business owners like you who want success but not at the cost of your well-being. This is about transforming self and transforming business. I’ll be here to remind you that you’re human first and as well as being a business owner, you have different roles in your life that need your attention and to manage those well, you need to take care of yourself in the best way possible.
Here you’ll learn about practices that’ll help you navigate not just your business but your non-work life as well and you’ll realise that you’re not alone in the ways you struggle. You’ll have your curiosity piqued on various topics as I chat with wonderful guests and bring you solo bite-sized episodes.
I’m here for service-based business owners and entrepreneurs like you, to help you increase your self-care and compassion, change your relationship with yourself and your business, and elevate your business to a new level so you can live the full and meaningful life you desire.
This is a place of nourishment, growth and helpful information. A place where you can learn ways to assist you and your business to thrive.
We’ll talk all things mindset, strategy and well-being and I’m so excited you’re here. If you haven’t already, go and hit subscribe so you don’t miss an episode.
So, let’s get started
Hi and welcome back to another bite sized episode. How good was last week’s episode with Emily. If you haven’t already tuned in, I highly recommend you do.
Today I want to have a little heart-to-heart about a word I hear so often in my coaching work, and previously in my clinical work and one I used to say to myself so often too: the word “should.”
I actually hear it everywhere.
“I should be doing more.” “I should have this all figured out by now.” “I should say yes to that.”
Relatable? If you’re constantly shoulding yourself, you’re not alone. We develop these habits and thankfully we can also change them.
“Shoulds” can sneak in wearing very convincing disguises. They often sound responsible or productive. But here’s the truth: “shoulds” can be other people’s beliefs that we have taken on and are often internalised pressure or fear that disconnects us from what we actually want or need.
And when we’re making decisions based on pressure or fear rather than wisdom, it’s no wonder we feel exhausted or out of alignment. Decisions made this way don’t give us the life we want, they don’t help us take care of ourselves the way we need to and they often don’t leave us feeling great about ourselves.
So today, I want to invite you to stop shoulding all over yourself and step into self-leadership.
Self-leadership is the practice of choosing from a place of values, care, and clarity — rather than obligation, guilt, or comparison. It allows a more compassionate approach, one that serves you and others much better in the long run.
Here’s some questions I often ask clients and I invite you to ask them of yourself. When you catch a “should,” pause and ask:
- Where did this should come from?
- Is this something I truly value?
- What would I choose if I trusted myself?
This is where compassion comes in. We don’t beat ourselves up for having “shoulds” — they’re often old patterns from culture, family, or past roles we’ve played. But we can meet them with curiosity. We can be understanding of how we have developed this shouldy pattern and we can give ourselves space and grace to choose differently.
Self-leadership isn’t about always knowing the answer. It’s about giving yourself permission to ask a different question.
One that honours your capacity. One that considers your values. One that invites you to tune into the relationship with yourself and seek what you really need or want.
So today, my questions for you are: Where are “shoulds” showing up in your life or business right now?
What would shift if you replaced those “shoulds” with a values-aligned choice?
And remember: you are the expert on you. And the more you lead from within, the more sustainable your success becomes.
Thanks for tuning in. I appreciate you being here. Until next week — go gently with yourself, and do your best to lead from wisdom, not pressure or fear. Take care