Links to Dr Hayley D Quinn Resources
Reclaim Your Time and Energy: 6 Key Boundaries for Women Business Owners
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This transcript is computer generated and may contain errors and not be an exact representation of the audio
Hi this is Welcome to Self® and I’m your host, Dr Hayley D Quinn, the anti-burnout business coach. I’m a speaker, author, former clinical psychologist and a late identified auDHDer.
Welcome to Self ® is a podcast for business owners like you who want success but not at the cost of your well-being. This is about transforming self and transforming business. I’ll be here to remind you that you’re human first and as well as being a business owner, you have different roles in your life that need your attention and to manage those well, you need to take care of yourself in the best way possible.
Here you’ll learn about practices that’ll help you navigate not just your business but your non-work life as well and you’ll realise that you’re not alone in the ways you struggle. You’ll have your curiosity piqued on various topics as I chat with wonderful guests and bring you solo bite-sized episodes.
I’m here for service-based business owners and entrepreneurs like you, to help you increase your self-care and compassion, change your relationship with yourself and your business, and elevate your business to a new level so you can live the full and meaningful life you desire.
This is a place of nourishment, growth and helpful information. A place where you can learn ways to assist you and your business to thrive.
We’ll talk all things mindset, strategy and well-being and I’m so excited you’re here. If you haven’t already, go and hit subscribe so you don’t miss an episode.
So, let’s get started
Hi! Welcome back to another episode. A nice, short, bite-sized episode again this week, and then we’ve got our final guest for the season. And then just one more episode to round out Season 8, and I’ll be telling you a little bit about what’s going to be happening in Season 9 in that final episode because it’s something I’m really excited about. And I think you’re going to find it really, really helpful as well.
But today I want to talk to you about those times that you know that you want to lean in, but you find yourself leaning out. So it might be that you have something that you’re wanting to do in your non-work life. It might be a project within your business, but whatever it is, it’s starting to feel hard or uncomfortable.
And when this happens, I want you to have a think about what are the sorts of stories that you’re telling yourself about this thing. You might notice that you’re getting these feelings of anxiety, or perhaps there’s fear showing up, and you really don’t want to be in touch with it. But that’s not going to help you get where you want to go.
The things that are going to help you is regulating your nervous system for one. So perhaps that sort of hand on heart, slowing down your breath and just allowing yourself to be with whatever’s showing up and reminding yourself that you’re okay. Your threat system is telling you you’re unsafe, and unless you literally are unsafe, it might just be that your threat system has been activated because you’re trying to do something new, or you’re trying to take some bigger steps than you might usually.
And your mind starts telling you stories. So I want you to have a think about what are those stories that you’re actually telling yourself, and then allow yourself to think about what is it that you need? What are the internal resources that you can draw upon, that are going to help you move towards and lean in to this thing that you’re doing?
A step before that, you might want to think about why is it that you want to do it? Why is it that it’s important to you?
You may already know I’m in the process of writing a book. It’s a big endeavour, but it’s really important for me to do it, one because I know it’s going to be really helpful, and two, it will fulfill a goal of mine that I’ve had since I was a teenager.
Now my mind can come up with all sorts of stories about why I shouldn’t write this book, or why this book might not be good enough, or why people might not want to buy this book, but I remind myself that they’re just stories. And this book wouldn’t leave me alone, like this was an idea that came to me and just kept nudging at me until I sat down and actually wrote it.
As I’m recording this, it’s with the publisher. I’m waiting on my 1st lot of full feedback from her. So of course, there’s stories showing up. Of course, there’s times that my threat system feels activated. And that’s okay, because I keep coming back to why it’s important and meaningful to me, and also how I can regulate my nervous system and take care of myself in a way that will allow me to stay engaged with this project that’s really important to me.
So think about what is it that’s important for this thing that you’re trying to do? Also, what are you looking forward to at the end, when you’ve done this thing? You might also like to think about how you might celebrate when you’ve done it, particularly when things have been harder. I think, you know, it’s important that we celebrate the small steps along the way, no matter what, and especially when we have really overcome challenges to do them.
So, slowing down, regulating your nervous system, asking yourself why it’s important, thinking about the internal resources that you can draw upon. So those things about yourself that might be your enthusiasm, your persistence, your courage, your intelligence, your compassion for yourself, whatever it might be. And then also thinking about what are some of the external resources that I need and can seek out and have access to? And that could be anything from technology. It could be that you need money for a project. It may be that you need guidance and support. You might need an accountability body, whatever it might be.
But thinking about what are those things that you need, tuning in, being with yourself, and really thinking about why the outcome, your values can all be really helpful things to get you where you want to go. Because when we start leaning out, when we want to be leaning in, we miss out on building those experiences that tell us that yes, I can do the hard thing, or yes, I can persist when something feels uncomfortable.
The other thing that I find really helpful is to look back as well at what are the some of the things that you’ve already done in your life that perhaps felt challenging, or that you just set as a goal for yourself. How did you manage to get through those? What support did you have? What sort of things did you tell yourself? Did you recognize some of the unhelpful stories that you were telling? And were you able to replace them with words that actually felt more helpful, perhaps a bit kinder?
You know, when our threat system activates, we can be more hostile to both ourselves and others, and it’s that perfect time for the sneaky inner critic to jump in and start reminding you how you’re not good enough, or how something might fail. But don’t believe everything that you tell yourself. Yeah. And then also think of ways of how you can change the way you’re speaking to yourself. How can you bring more compassion into the conversation that you have with yourself so that you can move forward and do the things you want to do and create the life and business that you want for yourself?
So there’s quite a few questions in there today. Reflect on them. You might want to take some notes. You might just want to think about them and really see what’s going on when you find yourself leaning out rather than leaning in. And how can you help yourself do it differently?
As always, it’s lovely to be here with you, and I’m really excited about bringing my final guest next week. So in the meantime, go well and go gently with yourself, and remember, if you thrive, your business will too.