Episode #8 A Chat With The #365 Man Chris Winson
Hi, this is Welcome to Self ™ Caring for the Human in the Therapist Chair, and I’m your host, Dr. Hayley D Quinn, fellow human, clinical psychologist, supervisor and trainer. Welcome to Self ™ is a place where you can come and learn ways to elevate your own care and compassion. A place to rest, be soothed, and at times maybe gently challenged to think about yourself and your practice. A place to remember that you are human first, choose the helping profession is just one of the roles in your life. My aim is that this is a place of soothing, comfort, nourishment, growth and nurture. A place where you can also welcome your self.
Hi, welcome to a new episode. Thank you for joining me. A quick shout out to Emma who left me feedback on Twitter, Emma said,
“Listened to both episodes this morning whilst gardening. I can’t recommend them highly enough to fellow therapists but also anyone in helping roles. Thank You”.
Thank you Emma for taking the time to comment. It’s much appreciated. Glad you’re enjoying the episodes.
I’d now like to introduce you to my next guest Chris Winson. Chris is a student author and founder of the #365DaysOfCompassion. An online community of people sharing thoughts, reflections, and information about compassion and well being. During his life, Chris has managed depression, often hiding it until a major period in 2016 led him to seek help. That introduced Chris to compassion focus therapy, which has led to his focus on how compassion can play a supportive role to health and well being. After a long career mainly within technology, Chris is now a mature undergraduate student studying psychology with a focus on nature, connection, and mental wellbeing. Although he tells me there are not many areas of psychology he doesn’t get geeky about. Chris has written blogs and recorded a series of YouTube videos about depression and his experience of CFT. It is my pleasure to introduce Chris to Welcome to Self.
Hayley: So, hi Chris. It’s so lovely to welcome you to this episode. How you going?
Chris: I’m alright, thank you. And hello and lovely to see you again. Thank you so much for inviting me onto um onto your new venture, podcast. Very exciting.
Hayley: My pleasure and thank you for joining me in the morning in the UK, it’s evening here in Australia. Do you know, I have such a lovely memory of you? Gosh, I don’t even know what year it was now. But when I was coming over to see Paul and Jean Gilbert and you offered to come and pick me up from the train station in Derby. And we had literally met each other online through the hashtag which will ask you more about later. And you offered to do that and then you with your daughter, you took me to that amazing bookstore where we had coffee and cake and really lovely chat. And I always reflect on that as a really beautiful, compassionate act. And you know, it really meant a lot to me at the time. So thank you for that. And welcome.
Chris: Thank you. That’s a lovely welcome. Thank you. Yeah, that was a, actually I think that it was, was it three years ago, possibly. But yes, yeah, that’s a very, the bookshop is a very special place. And that was lovely it was it was really nice to actually meet you as well. You know, these online contacts will probably talk about later on, but it was really nice to then get the chance to actually meet in real life as well. So yeah, that’s my pleasure. Thank you.
Hayley: Fantastic. So Chris, can you tell us a little bit about yourself, your journey to becoming a mature age student in psychology, and what that’s like for you. The sort of things that you enjoy and perhaps what you plan to do career wise, if you even know that yet?
Chris: Yeah, Yeah, we’ll come back to that at the end. Yes, so I’m currently studying psychology, at Derby University, which my local uni and obviously also also the home of Professor Paul Gilbert and sort of the compassion work as well so very lucky that’s kind of the university that’s local to me as well. So I’m in between second and third year. So preparing now for third year and my dissertation, and how did I get there. It wasn’t planned. I’ve had a long career, I left school at 18. Without going on to uni, I kind of just wandered a little bit through education, wandered into work. I wandered into a bank, not for any reasons other than it seemed okay as a job. Start right off the, you know, doing things like stationary and very basic stuff. And wandered again, a little bit through that as a career without any real aspirations, until the mid 90’s and then I found that it was a lot of what I had been doing, which I’d got into lending at that point as well, some lending officer roles in it started to become very centralised, and I wasn’t really that keen on what was being left behind in the kind of branch networks. And then year 2000 was rapidly coming up And there’s a lot of concern if, if you recall, about computer systems crashing around the world,
Hayley: We had the y2k bug, yes.
Chris: And a couple of my friends had actually gone up to Sheffield, which was where they had office for the Technology Division was the bank. And they wanted people like myself who’d used the systems to come and test the systems to check this. And I will say there was a bug, you know, certain things, they that did exist. It wasn’t, it wasn’t all a con by the technology companies. And I went in there just as a gamble took it, as one of the few times I probably did make a choice in my career, and got into testing. And then from that, I became an analyst and never actually coded but I got into project management. And that was where I really found my forte as it were. Various different roles, and as project manager, programme manager, a little bit of a stint on innovation. And then I was a senior leader with full responsibility. But one thing that always kind of been with me during those, probably most of my life actually has been periods of what I now recognise as depression. And that really, really came to the fore in 2016. And it was then in December 16, that I was finally kind of signed off um, and sought proper help I sought helped in between then, but never really actually fully admitted where I was at. So that was a turning point for me because I was off a long time from work. Had therapy, which is where I discovered Compassion Focus Therapy. I formerly left work then. And I spent about a year kind of thinking what would I want to do while I was still kind of working through therapy and so on. I realised that one thing I was very focused upon was was how we thought how, you know, I think when you’re a leader and a manager, you do think about psychology, and even if you’re not doing it consciously.
Hayley: Absolutely, I mean, it’s human behaviour, isn’t it everywhere?
Chris: Yeah, you often get people asking you to, you know, promoting things on course and stuff like that. So I kind of realised that I was really interested. So I decided to try the foundation year, at Derby uni, which is kind of gentle introduction into university life, if you like, for for different types of students, but for someone like myself, having not studied for many, many years, formerly. It was a nice way to get back in. So that’s where I got and I felt at the time, and I still do, I’m interested in lots of psychology. And it’s been really great actually to approach it as a, I’m studying for studying and not for a goal. Yeah. So your question about what aspiration have you got? At that time, there wasn’t one, there’s probably one there’s now come, I’m very interested in actually research and how we do research. And so if there’s any aspiration after doing a degree than it is to probably continue in research, and that particularly in the areas around nature and wellbeing and link to that not just how we benefit from being in nature, but actually also thinking about our own behaviour and conservation and how psychology can help influence that. So that’s kind of where I’m at the moment. Yeah.
Hayley: Oh, that’s lovely. I think our nature and well being that’s a beautiful area to be looking at. In the Welcome to Self group that I have, one of the things I have on a Wednesday is a post called meditations with Mother Nature. And I encourage group members to post pictures of nature just so we can check in and kind of meditate on it if you’re kind of stuck in the office or something. So
Chris: It really has become, it was something I was kind of aware of, and in fact I realised that I’d written a blog way before I started uni about the kind of effect nature has on wellbeing. But we, this year we had this particular module for which I helped to do some work for and it was really caught that pace. The one the one piece of we’ll just say, which is which, which might be interesting for anyone who’s listening who knows me what I would I think some people assume because I’m going to uniquely psychology that I would then go on psychotherapy, perhaps as a role. I that’s something I’ve always been right from day one, I wasn’t going to do for a couple of different reasons. Yeah, the nature is fantastic. And I think that conservation piece is really important to me as well, about how our behaviour affects it.
Hayley: So you came to study in psychology later in life, as did I. And quite a stretch from where you were, I mean, quite corporate life. Yeah. To then, you know, potentially the academic ahead of you maybe. If that’s what you are going to choose to do, but also some real struggles and suffering along the way as well.
Chris: Yeah, and that’s with family illnesses. And my wife has long term chronic illness, which I’ve talked about. My daughter has a few issues as well, so. And I think just generally, yes, there’s been some quite difficult times along the way times, which I didn’t really recognise either. So I think I was superb, I’ve said it ten times before, I could have won an Oscar, sometimes the way I could put a mask on. Um, but eventually that, as I said, that became too much, really the end of 16. It’s quite obvious actually, that that was just not, it had sustained itself. And that’s, where I really then kind of discovered CFT kind of started off on that intense investigation into things like compassion.
Hayley: Yeah. Yeah. So you’re the founder of the 365 days of compassion hashtag. Which is wonderful. What prompted you to start the hashtag? And how do you feel about the response you’ve had from it? And also how has it been helpful in your own life?
Chris: So the hashtag is a really interesting thing. But at its heart, it’s a very simple thing. And it has no there’s no kind of ambitions around or anything like that. It was the inspiration for it came from Dr. Mary Welford. Hayley: She’s wonderful isn’t she? Chris: Yeah, she is and the way that it got into was the joint something I started to write about depression and what I was experiencing and partly started to write about I was experiencing in therapy with the compassion piece. And which is a complete contrast I should say, by the way, because when I first went to therapy I wasn’t talking about, I didn’t want to talk about the word depression because of how a lot of, I felt a lot of conflicting things about it. And so I started very slowly with a blog there was no intention originally to go public with that and then with some little nudges from Nikki who was a therapist I was working with, it kind of went public. And one thing I’ve started to do at that point was to use social media, particularly Twitter, which I hadn’t really used at the time, to kind of reach out to other people around mental health. Yeah. And Twitter is an awful place most, a lot of Twitter is awful because of the way people use it. However, there are some really nice communities and things on there that you can kind of connect with. And I connected with a few people via Nikki. So James Kirby and Jim Lucas who’s a therapist based out of Birmingham in the UK, and Jim was doing a book podcast at the time and he had Mary on. And one thing she talks about in that podcast was about the inner voice and how you can just, it’s not so much about changing the words when you’re being critical, its that tone. Yeah. And I thought, this is brilliant. This is this, it clicked at the time. And so I connected with Mary and then Mary in December of 17, came up with this idea where she was going to post each day in December as an advent. We called it advent with compassion. And during December she asked a few people to join in, etc. And I thought this is brilliant, this is a really nice idea. So in a, in a moment of, I don’t know, caffeinated excitement, I decided that we would, that perhaps it would be nice to do this every day for a year. So that’s where the hashtag came through, 365 days of compassion. And so the idea was that anybody can do it, and that we post each day, it could be a quote, it could be a blog, it could be an article, whatever, as long as it got something compassion themed, and it was helpful, it was going to be helpful to somebody. And being a bit of an organisation geek, as I admit to being. I kind of then tried to think know, what, how could that work. And one thing that was also happening was that a lot of people do put some nice tweets out. So someone like Denis, for example, will put a quote out. And I wanted to be able to capture those across different parts of platforms. So Facebook, as well as Twitter and Instagram. And so I decided that I’d set myself a little daily challenge, I’d also create these daily images, with the quote it’s on. Again, just thinking I’ll just do this, and it’ll be maybe for a few, I had no intention of how long it’s going to last for to be honest. And then also create a weekly magazine that supported it, because sometimes, stuff, people don’t pick up daily. And also I thought it was nice to have something that was collected it. So we started that in January 2018. And I thought probably a few people might be interested. I also kind of thought that to be honest, there was no ambition about it. So one per if it helped one person to find something. That was, that was the overall aim of it. So we started and I don’t really do any promotion of it, or anything like that. But what hadn’t anticipated and became very clear by the end of that year, was that it fostered two things which are very similar. One was it connected a lot of people so you know, I’d retweet something that, I don’t know, that Mary had done on something. And, you know, James Kirby would pick it up or something like that. It started to connect various things. And, but secondly, that then started to foster this little bit of a community around it, which was totally unexpected. And that community is a group of different people. And people come in and out of it, and there’s no rules for it, there’s nothing it’s just happened. And that was never, that was just unexpected, that was fantastic. I also really thought I’d probably do it for a year.
Hayley: Still going, and now it’s everybody around the world.
Chris: It’s still going and it’s three and a half years now. Although I have my own little rules around it. It’s like I always do book quote on a Monday and Sunday is a podcast and Fridays is one of my random music shares. It hasn’t really got rules about it. It’s just, you know, people share it, and people come in and come out of it. And but the thing I’ve loved about it, you asked me what it meant to me, that is the big thing, it makes a connection. I posted a hashtag actually, you and I connected and I’ve seen, you know, so many different little connections and people met or have said, oh, actually, you know, we met through the hashtag and it’s like this. And you know, I think Ross Macintosh was on a few weeks back, and they kind of connected and that that was like, Wow, those two people, I really love their podcast and what they do, and they connected through the hashtag. So it is nice, it’s quite a, it’s just a really lovely thing actually.
Hayley: Well, you and I ended up having coffee and cake in a bookshop because of a hashtag. Chris: This is very true. So that’s what it means to me, it means the connection. And it was really nice when we reached 1000 days, which was not that long back. I’ve asked people to do what it kind of meant and there’s some lovely, that’s the thing that came across that was the big theme. And that just totally is unexpected. And one day it will. We’ll see through that moment. It just carries on and if I don’t feel like posting something one day I don’t, I haven’t done it, you know, just there are times when things aren’t going great and I just thought okay well I won’t post for a few days. But that’s the nice thing about it. Hayley: I think you’ve got a whole community of people around the world that are tagging into the hashtag as well. So there’s lots of information being spread isn’t there.
Chris: There is and that’s the key thing actually, the thing that I think on a day to day basis, it keeps these things in your for, um, it just keeps it as part of your daily life.
Hayley: Yeah, yeah, I think that’d be lots of people. I mean, I’ve met lots of people through the hashtag myself. There would be lots of people that would speak to that sense of connection that has come from that, which has been really quite beautiful. And especially at the moment, whilst the world is the way it is, and we can’t connect in the ways that we might normally. So that’s fantastic. So thank you, from me, and I’m sure many, many people for actually going ahead and doing that. That’s brilliant. So you navigate life as a student amongst your everyday life and I’m wondering, because you know, your mature age, and you have family. So I’m wondering, what’s been the best piece of advice that you’ve received in regards to navigating being a student? And what are the things that you’ve been learning during your studies that you’ve found most helpful? Because I’m sure there’ll be other people who are embarking on a career in the helping professions who are still students that will be listening. So I’m wondering, what sort of stuff Have you kind of learned or been given advice about that has been really helpful for you?
Chris: So I think from an advice, I’m going to roll it open into a few things. One is, and I think this is so important to both the caring profession and just generally in life actually. Is that be curious. So I think, in a lot of life, we get, particularly as you get older, and you get into work, and so-on you can stop being curious about work. I think there’s this childlike curiosity. That is, you know, that can be wonderful when you see it happen. But I think just being curious to, there isn’t this, you know, I don’t think there’s any barrier to learning. I won’t lie, and I know, you may have experienced this, when you were studying as well as a mature student. It can be challenging as a mature student to walk into a lecture hall, full of young people who are actually the same age as my children. There were probably times I am writing dad. But most of the time, they’ve always made me feel kind of okay with that, actually. And I think some of that is more in your head, actually, that you feel because at that point you are part, you’ve got the identity of the student. You do occasionally again, I have been mistaken for a lecturer once, which was quite funny. But I do like that, that whole thing about being curious about the world, you know, we just said we just had someone at university who’s 81, she just graduated at 81. And I think that’s wonderful, right to be studying, wanting to be curious about the world.
Hayley: When I was doing my studying, I think I was in my undergrad. And there was a couple, he was late 70s and she was mid 70s. He was doing a postgraduate degree and she was doing her undergraduate she’d never been to university, it was fantastic.
Chris: That’s that’s exactly like this lady she’s 81, she’s done six years to get to, she was doing it part time. And then she was interviewed the other day where she said, she’s thinking about many postgrads, and it’s just fantastic. So be curious is definitely something I carry forward. I think also more critical thinking because again, I think in this world that we live in where everything is reduced almost to sound bites. I think the I don’t mean critical as in always taking the, you know, that kind of negative critical. But actually taking the positive critical. It’s really made me question some of the things. There are some long standing psychological theories and stuff like that, which actually, you know, if you look at them, they’re there for challenging. And that’s really helped, I think me, in terms of things like where we in the world with Coronavirus, because, again, there’s so much misinformation out there. And I think just taking the time to look at where you’re getting the information from the sources you’re getting it from is really is really key. And I think that translates perhaps to the, you know, to the therapy world as well in terms of where things are, because sometimes you read things and it’s obvious that someone’s trying to sell something, and it’s very difficult. I think the thing in terms of what I’ve really loved about my studies and what it’s giving me insight into is, first of all, I didn’t although I knew psychology covered lots of different areas. It’s covered more than I thought it was going to so Environmental psychology I haven’t really got that much of an awareness of so that’s been good. Neuroscience has been a complete revelation to me I thought my bio psych modules were going to be the hardest dare be it the most enjoyable Yeah. And I’ve really enjoyed that kind of scientific approach to learning about the way the nervous system works etc. The thing that I’ve really taken from it is that science, it can sit behind some of the things that you hear and you know some elements of that within some of the compassion world and you hear about how people doing heart rate variability measurements and what’s that actually mean, it’s learning that has been a real thing for me.
Hayley: You can see the excitement when you talk about it because you know, you and I are meeting on zoom obviously, you being in the UK and me being in Australia and the excitement of this, all this new information I get to be curious, it’s like that beginner’s mind all over again.
Chris: I actually think the other thing is with it, it is allowing you to be an authentic geek particularly. You don’t want to be the person that really likes the stats module and I am that person. So I think that it’s authenticity isn’t it and I think that’s one of the key things in your studies you have to be authentic, there’s no point writing an essay that says oh this is great and stuff, you’ve got to be able to be authentic about it. And I think that curiosity that critical piece supports that.
Hayley: So when you think, when we think about in terms of sort of self care, what are your favourite ways of nurturing yourself or looking after yourself because it’s, it’s a lot doing uni, it’s a lot, managing a family, what are the things you find most helpful or your favourite ways.
Chris: There’s a couple of them that I’ll expand upon. I think one thing that studying does which again is probably true in a lot of professional lives as well, is that you are assessed and that can be difficult. Especially if you do have perfectionist tendencies, a tendency to be a little bit self critical as well. So actually just recognising that and recognising that actually when you get feedback from the tutors, it’s supportive in the main, they’re trying to help you develop. Also as an undergraduate you know, you’re not going to know the answers so academic writing is very hard, let’s face it, it’s a difficult one to get into. I think sometimes it is deliberately obtuse as well. But you have to learn you have to learn your way through that. And I think taking your time with doing that and accepting when you do put your assessments in. I always feel relief when I’ve submitted it and then you know, like you’d only have like three weeks passed before you get the marks back the day before you know you get your marks back the stress levels go back up. Which, recognising that and accepting that is part of it I think that’s one thing that is really important to me. In terms of nurture as well, you know, being out in the garden is one thing. We’ve got a small garden here, but we moved here a few years ago and we do quite a lot on the borders, this year really taken off with the plants and that’s just a joy to see. We’ve got we’ve got some veg going on at the minute as well just some beans and tomatoes, but there’s just a simple joy because they’ve gone from seedling you know. So we’ve got loads of tomatoes actually, we went a bit much with the tomato plants. I’ve loved that, the simple, that to me is the nurture bit you know, we inherited my late father-in-law’s, been passed through the family, a birdbath type, it’s a lovely old concrete that he had it as a young man, passed away sadly last year and then it was one of the things we inherited. But it’s bought so many birds to the thing. And I love that, that’s the simple things for me that nurture it. So the nature, I do enjoy reading and the garden, and I won’t mind coffee as well.
Hayley: So nature, sort of being out with nature slowing down, taking that time to focus in on something that you’re enjoying.
Chris: It is and I think the other thing is, and I know, you can do it as a formal practice. But I actually think what happens eventually is you actually start, it just happens and you’re walking along and you just take a minute to look at the trees because that’s, it’s become part of you. So you don’t have to, oh hold on a minute, I need to just stop. And also it’s that you don’t need to get the phone out at that point and go or what to look at that I’ll take a picture of the tree, it’s just enjoying that moment. That’s what, that’s what nurtures me.
Hayley: Yeah, I think that’s a really good point because I think sometimes we have to start with the formal deliberate practice. I’m going to go for a walk and I’m going to be very mindful and I’m going to take a moment to notice the colours and this and that. And then the more you practice that it does just become part of who you are, doesn’t it? And you become more mindful. You know, a lot of the time now certainly not all the time. I mean, that would just be we’d be just like enlightened beings, wouldn’t we? But I think it certainly becomes easier then, to catch yourself as well, when you’re being quite mindless. Yes. And focus back in. Yeah.
Chris: Yeah, I mean, one of the things that you need is I don’t particularly like lots of, um being amongst lots of big groups and stuff like that. So freshers week is always quite intense. There’s a lovely part of the university, which is quite, not many people know about, it’s on top of the, there’s a little centre just outside it kind of a religious centre, if you like, just outside the main part of the campus. But it’s got a rooftop garden, then it looks out across the sports area, but then across to the park that’s near the university. So when you get when you get onto that it’s got a little bench, and you can just sit there, because it’s elevated you basically the same height as the trees. And because not many people know about it, not many people go there. It’s just a lovely place. And that’s my little hideaway in the University just go and have 10 minutes, and it’s nothing formal. You’re not sat there, you know, going for a meditation. It’s just you’re sat there. And it just it just grounds you he really does
Hayley: Think it’s that slowing down. And when we can slow down, we connect to ourselves more easily. Yes. And to whatever’s around us as well. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that sounds beautiful. We need to be a bit shhh. Don’t let anybody listen to the podcast that goes to Derby University or the place will be flooded with people, you’re little secret spot. So in terms of your career in psychology, which may well be in the research area, what are you looking forward to the most? And what, if anything, are you concerned about?
Chris: What are the concerns first, two concerns with that. And one was a joke concern. I actually really, there’s not many areas of psychology, I don’t like it. So there are some times I get oh I can do that? Oh, that’s really interesting. Do that and do that. And I’d almost want to do it all. Which I know there’s not time for so I know I need to consider not getting distracted. Because I do have a bit of a butterfly mind as well sometimes. Hayley: What might you do that to take care of yourself in that then that would be helpful. Chris: Because what I’ve done, that’s a good question. I, one thing I do is make notes for myself, because I will read something and be like that’s really interesting, I’d love to do that. And then I kind of have gone back to what are the things I’m really interested in what my core values if you like from it, and that’s what they told me. So although I might see something neuroscience and think that’s really exciting. We do, it’s going to take a long time if he wants to do that. And it’s also the facilities that were required to support that. So you can get interested in that. But it might not be something that you could go on to do. So that’s fine. But also actually, what’s the bits that I really mean something to me. I thinks that’s a, little bit of meaning. So one concern I have about sometimes when I see academic research, you think that’s really interesting story. So what, what does it mean? So you’ve, you’ve investigated, I don’t know what, you know, something, and it’s like, okay, but what’s that mean? To me? What was that means somebody in the industry? What does it mean to everyday life? So, one concern I have is that research, I think, should always have meaning and should have something that would help to make the world in whatever way, whether it’s an individual or a societal level, something better. Some improvement. Which is why I’m very interested in psychology around environmental behaviours, etc. I am also very aware that as you get through academia, it becomes very stressful, it can become very stressful, a lot of people talk about, you know, I’m nowhere near a PhD, but PhD seems to often be talked about in very stressful ways. And so I always have to fear that something like that could really trigger certain past behaviours, or you know emotional states. But I think the fact I’m aware of that is partly mitigation towards.
Hayley: And looking at ways of no matter what you’re embarking on is how you take care of yourself. If I can, just for a minute and kind of go back, you’re saying about that you want to do all the things, you know, it’s like, Oh, that’s interesting like that. And I get that because I, I have moments where I want to do all the things to, and I think, whether it’s in academia, whether it’s in clinical practice, there is so much available to us and we can’t do everything and I really liked what you were saying. Again, it comes back to that slowing down, connecting with yourself, what are my values, what feels meaningful to me in moving forward making these choices. There’s a bit of a theme, there isn’t there, like slowdown connect yourself, tune in, listen to your wisdom so that you can make choices and pick the things that are going to feel meaningful for you. Because otherwise we can get overwhelmed. There’s so much we can be doing.
Chris: Yeah, I think so I think the other thing with that is that when it does get stressful and stuff, because it has got that resonance with you, that can help sustain you through the more difficult times as well. Whereas I think if you’re doing something because oh I think I’ve got an interest in that, and then it gets really tough its like, you know, I, I’ve seen that in myself with certain modules, because there was some things in psychology I might not be quite as interested in. Those assignments, if they get a bit tougher, you kind of like, Oh, this is a bit more of a slog, whereas ones where you’re interested in it’s just even reading through new literature review is not a slog. it’s enjoyable. Yeah. So yeah, I think that’s the I think you’re right, those themes are important, and they actually sustain you as well.
Hayley: So what would be one piece of advice that you would share with the listeners around sort of well being how to take care of yourself under these kind of stresses, whether it’s studying or maybe being be a human being? Chris: I’m laughing because my imposter is now questioning what I’m about to say. Hayley: Just welcome the imposter in this. Hello, take a seat.
Chris: I think I will go back to what I said earlier, it is to be curious. I think one of the things I learned from CFT, from Compassion Focused Therapy, well I learn quite a lot, is that it reopened curiosity, because I think the reason compassion is important there is that sometimes we can be curious about things that might be uncomfortable as well, or it might put you into stress. And so that piece, the compassion piece can then be the piece that sustains you through that or supports you through that. I just think in this day, we’ve lost, we’re inundated with so much information, etc. We just lost that ability to always be curious, you know, to look at the night sky, I think what wow just think about what might actually you’re looking at.
Hayley: That’s lovely. So a question that I’m asking everyone or a version of this question. If you could meet your 80 year old self, what do you think your future self would say to you?
Chris: Yes, my future self. Um I think they would say, keep learning. Yeah, I don’t mean, necessarily, formally, just exploring. And I think they probably say actually, you’re doing okay. Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s the key there, you’re doing okay. I think we could be to a little bit judgmental about where we are, how we’re doing. And I think, like yourself, usually says, you know, actually, you’re doing okay.
Hayley: Yeah, I think you absolutely are doing okay. I think you, you know, aside from anything else you’re doing, I think you have brought something really meaningful and valuable and beautiful, into the world with the 365 days of compassion hashtag. It’s absolutely superb. Thank you. So finally, if people want to find out more about you get in touch, where can they find you and engage with the things you’ve done. So you’ve got some videos, and things that you’ve done around Compassion Focus Therapy, and how they could get in involved with the hashtag.
Chris: The Hashtag is very easy to get involved with and people can get involved in what however they want to with that in terms of some of the platforms in terms of Facebook and Twitter, Instagram, they will do slightly different things. You’ll see some content on some. But they’re all under the hashtags. If you just search for hashtag, you’ll find the accounts. And again, since like, on Twitter, people can either just follow it, or if they want to tweet with the hashtag, then they’ll get retweets on that. And in terms of and I’m on Twitter as well, I think if you can pop, I’ll send you the details to pop into the show notes. And yes, we did the stuff on YouTube as well. I did something YouTube’s I guess that’s just under the hashtag name. There’s a channel there. And yes, I felt that although I’ve done some blogs which are on WordPress as well, so people search on WordPress, they’ll find the blogs under the hashtag, they will find it under the hashtag and also my own, which was in the original blog that I did. Which was called Breathe Underwater, which is about kind of that time when I was really struggling with the depression and going through the compassion piece as well. But to the blog, which I don’t write as much now because I think it served the purpose at the time, but then again didn’t want become pressurised, right? That tells part of the story, and then the YouTube videos I did, I just wanted to try and get across different aspects of what Compassion Focus Therapy was about, and how it helps me in a, in a hopefully accessible way. So yeah, that’s another hashtag as well. There’s plenty ways to be able to, to either connect with me or to listen, if you’d like to get involved with the hashtag.
Hayley: And do you know all the things I love as you’re talking, it’s like you have this way of wanting to do things, but not put pressure on yourself with them, not put expectations on what they should be, have them being meaningful at the time for what you want to do. And then if they if you let them go, you let them go. And if you continue them, you continue them. But I think that’s really an important piece when we think about our own well being is the sort of pressure and expectations and what’s the motivation for certain decision making. And it sounds like you go really gently with yourself on that stuff. And that’s lovely,
Chris: The blog’s, a key example that’s the blog started off very slowly, and then became almost at times, like, Oh, I got to publish something this week. And the moment I realised that was a moment I kind of thought Actually, this isn’t right. So just paused it and on the occasion I’ll write a blog post, occasionally I’ll write blog post. And I think the moment it becomes almost feels like it’s work is the moment is lost, what it was about.
Hayley: Fantastic. Well, it’s been an absolute pleasure chatting with you. It’s lovely to see you over zoom in the UK. Hopefully before too long. The world will open up a bit more, and I’ll see you on English soil.
Chris: That will be lovely, that will be lovely. Thank you so much for the opportunity.
Hayley: Absolute pleasure you take care, Chris, thank you.
Hayley: Thank you for sharing this time with me today. I hope your time here was helpful and supportive. If there has been something in this episode that you have found helpful, I invite you to share it with another person you think might benefit. I’d also love it if you’d like to leave a review wherever you tune in. Reviews really helped to increase awareness of podcasts, meaning I can spread helpful information more widely. All reviews are welcome and much appreciated. As I know they take time out of your day. If you’d like to be notified when the next episode airs, please use the link in the show notes to join my mailing list. Music and editing by Nyssa Ray. Thanks Nyssa. I wish you all well in your relationship with yourself. And may you go well and go gently.
#365DaysOfCompassion Twitter: https://twitter.com/i/events/1017672944447840256
#365DaysOfCompassion Facebook community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/385641661879755/
#365DaysOfCompassion Blogs: https://365daysofcompassion.wordpress.com/
Don’t miss an episode, use this link to be notified when each episode airs
https://bit.ly/WelcomeToSelfPodcast
