Episode #29 Boundaries for Work

Hi, this is Welcome to Self ™ Caring for the Human in the Therapist Chair, and I’m your host, Dr. Hayley D Quinn, fellow human, clinical psychologist, supervisor and trainer. Welcome to Self ™ is a place where you can come and learn ways to elevate your own care and compassion. A place to rest, be soothed, and at times maybe gently challenged to think about yourself and your practice. A place to remember that you are human first, choose the helping profession is just one of the roles in your life. My aim is that this is a place of soothing, comfort, nourishment, growth and nurture. A place where you can also welcome your self.

 

Hi and welcome to another episode. I’d like to take a moment of gratitude for Abraham who left me a message. He said,

 

“When I was working on my Clinical Psychology Doctorate application your podcasts were incredibly valuable. I would listen to them to relax, when going on walks and definitely to reflect on issues that helped me reflect on my own experience. So listening to you was definitely a very important part of this process. Congratulations and thank you”. 

 

Thank you, Abraham, feedback like this really does mean a lot to me and keeps me motivated to continue bringing you more episodes.

 

I want to start this episode by saying please always remember, you matter too. You are more than a helping professional, you are an important, valuable, loveable and worthwhile human being.

 

I want to talk to you today about boundaries, boundaries are containing for everyone, boundaries assist us all to feel safe and boundaries can be such important part of maintaining a sustainable practice. Something I am passionate about when working with other helping professionals. 

 

The problem can be that it is often easier said than done particularly if we have not spent time reflecting on why these things are hard for us. Think about your own history and ask yourself what is it about your own experiences that helps you make sense of why this might be challenging for you?

 

We can get caught up in worry about clients and it’s important we think about how we can manage this, especially when it starts to intrude into our time off. Know your limits, check your expectations of both your clients and yourself, leave the responsibility where it belongs, think about what you can and can’t do and focus on what you can do, acknowledge that certain things feel difficult, be with your discomfort, validate how you feel and support yourself with compassionate self-talk, physical soothing such as a hand on heart, soothing breathing, focus on things that are fun and/or meaningful to you.  

 

It can be easy to dismiss or ignore our own feelings when focusing on others. It is important to include yourself as well as others in your caring. When thinking “I need to be there to take care of my clients”, perhaps remind yourself “if I take care of myself then I can return later to take care of my clients”. If you don’t take care of yourself then maybe over time it will result in burnout and a choice to leave the role completely. Maybe you’ll end up feeling resentful and discouraged, maybe you are already starting to feel like that.

 

I invite you to think about seven different areas that I will take you through in relation to your work where it is important to consider your boundaries. I hope this is helpful for you and assists you to create a more sustainable practice.

 

1. Days and Hours for Client Work

 

Think about the days and hours you want to work seeing clients. Spend some time reflecting on what else you want to do during your week and how you might fit these things in to a sustainable schedule. Now I realise this is easier to do if you work for yourself, or in a more flexible workplace. If you don’t, it might be about having some conversations, which might be challenging or uncomfortable, with your employer. Be clear about your requests and the reason why you are asking for them. Most reasonable people, if they can, will want to accommodate their employees. Research shows that happy employees are more productive employees so it’s best for everyone. You might also want to reflect on how much work you are doing outside of your paid hours and are you being asked to do this or is your motivation coming from fear or wanting to people please. I often hear people say things like “If I don’t work the extra hours, I’ll never get anything done”, this needs to be recognised as a systems or organisational problem. If your workplace is understaffed, is it really ok that you are expected to bear the burden of that? Working outside your contracted hours without additional remuneration and negotiation is not your responsibility. 

 

So assuming you have the choice or agreement with your employer, once you have chosen these days and times, make it clear to your clients that this is your availability. This can be done via your website, social media accounts, voicemail message, and on your email responder.

 

If you recognise yourself as a ‘people pleaser’, as many people do, you will want to be aware of your own feelings when someone is asking you to work outside of these hours. What are the stories that show up for you? Can you notice these stories and still be firm with your boundaries? This can take practice, so go gently with yourself whilst you are learning to do this and just do your best to stick firm to your boundaries. At the end of the day, our best is the most we can do.

 

I invite you to pause for a moment and think about how it feels to say No to someone else. 

 

Close your eyes for a moment and imagine yourself saying No to someone, pick anyone you want, friend, client, family member (or do this exercise a few times with different people in mind) and then notice how it feels in your body when you say No to them, also notice any thoughts and stories that show up. Now you might like to pause this episode for a moment and write down what you noticed.

 

So how can we be with ourselves when this discomfort shows up so we can take compassionate action rather than fear-based decision making? One of things I’ve always found helpful is to have a “policy” to refer back to. Being able to say to someone, I will have to decline this as our policy is XYZ can feel easier than saying I’m not doing that for you. When developing policies and practices for your work, it is important to develop these from your wiser, calmer self, connect with your values and remember yourself as a whole human being not just a helping professional. This way you have something to lean into when you are struggling to enforce or maintain your boundaries.

 

When it comes to time management we can end up with competing demands. We can get caught in the language of “need” and “want” and then the “need” gets priority. This can be tricky because imagine the situation where a client says “I need to see you” and you’ve been thinking “I want to have some time with my friend having fun”. Likely is your mind is going to prioritise the need of the client over the want of your own. The thing is the request from the client is also a want. They want to see you, and unless it’s an emergency situation, they don’t actually “need” to see you. They could see you at your next available appointment.

 

By being aware of this use of language, we are more able to tune in and check whether what is being asked is a need or a want and when we also slow down and take into account our own needs and wants, we can make decisions from a soothed, calm mind as opposed to making them out of fear, people pleasing and neglecting our needs.

 

2.   Types of Clients

 

It is worth spending some time thinking about the types of clients you want to work with and remember, you can choose who you work with. You don’t have to work with everyone that asks you, and it’s not realistic to think that you will be the right fit for everyone either. Again, I recognise that in some workplaces this is not necessarily the case. Think about the client presentations you are enjoying working with, and those you don’t and why that is. Think about the age of client you enjoy working with and those you don’t and why that is. Think about your skill set and who you can best serve. Think about areas of practice you would like to develop and the types of clients that would include. 

 

Once you have decided the types of clients you would prefer to work with, write this down and next time someone contacts you to enquire about your availability, come back to this and ask yourself would saying Yes to this client fit with the business you are wanting to build or would you be better off declining and referring on to someone else?

 

Again, notice any discomfort that shows up when you think about this and reflect on what that is about for you and are you able to be with that discomfort in service of building the business you want to be working in? Notice if your default mis to say Yes to everyone that contacts you and think about what is motivating that.

 

3.   Session Length

 

This can be a tricky one for many practitioners. Staying within the boundaries of session time can be difficult, particularly for early career therapists, and for more seasoned practitioners too. Notice the thoughts and feelings that show up for you when you move towards ending a session, or when your client starts to tell you something new near the end of session, or if your client is upset when the session time is drawing near. Reviewing these thoughts and feelings in supervision can be helpful. Working on time management can also be helpful. Lots of practitioners have difficulties finishing sessions, this is not an area that is taught well so it’s understandable that you might struggle with it.  It can bring up feelings of I’m a bad therapist, I am not caring enough, or I haven’t provided enough to my client this session. You may have as a child and throughout your life, learned not to interrupt others because of a belief it’s rude. Again, I invite you to reflect on our own experiences and how these may influence your work as a helping professional. 

 

Think about whether you have yourself set up in a way that you can see your watch or a clock in the therapy room (or on your computer if doing Telehealth). Sometimes it’s the simple things being changed that can be really helpful. If you don’t know what time it is, how can you know when to end the session! Although we can develop an internal clock over time, you’ll likely still need something to check against.

 

Take a moment and ask yourself what would be helpful for me to assist with time boundaries? 

 

4.   Lunch Breaks

 

Do you have scheduled lunch breaks? Do you actually take those scheduled lunch breaks? Or do you find yourself working through them, making calls, answering emails, doing notes? Taking regular breaks throughout your day and allowing yourself to get up and move around is important for your own well-being. Plus, it’s very important to stay hydrated and nourished to enable your brain to work effectively. Neglecting self-care throughout the day can have longer term effects on your health and well-being. When planning changes, it can be helpful to get specific so spend some time thinking about the following. What time would you like to schedule your lunch break? How long would you like your lunch break to be? What would you like to do during your break? What do you need to be mindful of not doing during your break? Do you spend your time returning calls, answering emails, attending to other people? Try and see your break as non-negotiable, your future self will thank you for it.

 

5.   Your workspace (particularly if working from home)

 

It is important that we recognise that our personal life impacts on our work and our work impacts on our personal life. Particularly during the Covid19 pandemic, many people have moved their work to their home environments and these boundaries have become blurred. I had a home-based practice for many years and then chose to open The Compassionate Well-Being Centre so I could have colleagues working with me. Anyone who is thinking of having a solo practice whether at home or somewhere else, it can be good to consider how you will stay connected with other practitioners to avoid the sense of isolation. You might like to join us in the Welcome to Self® – Caring for the Human in the Therapist Chair online group. Feel free to reach out at hello@drhayleydquinn.com for further details.

 

Creating a workspace that separates you from your personal life is important. When you are at work you want to be able to focus on work and vice versa. One of the challenges that has been prevalent throughout the Covid19 pandemic is managing work from home. Many of us moved to Telehealth, either through choice or due to regulations. Having a separate space that you can close off at the end of the day makes a difference to how your mind thinks about where you are and what you need to be doing.

 

If you are constantly looking at your computer, it is more likely you will be thinking about work you didn’t get done that day or being tempted to check work emails. When you have finished work, if you’re like most people, you’ll have plenty of other things that need your attention, for example, what you’re having for dinner; taking care of children, parents, pets; other committees or sports you’re involved in; creative passions; housework; paying bills; time for rest and fun!

 

You can’t be present to these things if your head is still stuck in work. Importantly, you can’t rest and restore if you haven’t switched off from work.

 

How can we use symbolism to end our workday and transition into home life? Using imagy can be helpful and something I started doing when I was a psychology intern. At the end of the day, I would imagine my clients climbing a ladder and being tucked safely away into the filing cabinet until I came back to the clinic and took them back out, you might pass a bridge or go under a tunnel on the way home and imagine that work stays on one side as you move towards home. You might choose a particular space in your home where you spend just a few minutes sitting and engaging in some soothing rhymn breathing before heading into the house and reconnecting with others. Think about what can you do that will assist you with your boundaries between work and home? Find what works for you and this may involve testing some things out and seeing how well they work. Get creative if you need to. 

 

6. Relationships with colleagues/management

 

This one is a much bigger topic than I can cover in the rest of this episode so I invite you to just take a moment to think about how much of your time at work you give away to colleagues and/or management, time answering their questions that don’t necessarily relate to your own work. How much time do you spend on projects that are outside of your work requirements because you find it hard to say no or want to be helpful? How often are you the person that runs the errand or takes on tasks that no-one else seems to want to do? Now this is going to differ from workplace to workplace. If you work in solo practice, you might want to reflect on how often you are answering emails or messages from colleagues and friends that “just need a bit of advice”, or perhaps you are giving away your thoughts and ideas when someone just wants to pick your brain for a moment. If you are someone that is struggling with relationships in your workplace, I encourage you to seek support.

 

7.   Technology

 

Think about how you access your work emails. It can be helpful to have access to work emails and preferably work calls on separate devices, so you are not having to filter out what to open when outside of work hours. Out of sight out of mind can be helpful when you are wanting to separate work from home.

 

If you run a business page on social media, be aware of people contacting you outside of your working hours via these pages. Just because you are on social media when you’re not working and see a message from a potential client or work colleague, does not mean you have to respond to that message. You can make a note to respond when you are next back in work mode.

 

Sometimes it might suit you to reply to an email when you have some space in an evening. This is your choice and one thing you can do to help maintain your boundaries around work hours is to write the email and then schedule it to be sent during office hours. You don’t necessarily want people seeing that you sent an email at 9pm (or 3am – yes, I’ve received those!) Alternatively, you could add a statement to your email that indicates to people that you have sent the email at a time that suits you, and that you encourage them to do the same. This puts boundaries around your time and also promotes the concept of boundaries and self-care to others.

 

How would you like to set up your technology? What would you find most helpful? What would you like to stop doing and could outsource? There is no one right way with all of this, it really is about what works best for you.

 

This has been a brief review of some of the areas it’s important for you to have healthy boundaries. As a topic area, boundaries is a big one and applies to all areas of our professional and personal life. There are a number of great books on boundaries, including Setting Boundaries by fellow psychologist Dr Rebecca Ray. I recently chatted with Rebecca on the podcast about burnout and recovery and if you haven’t already tuned into that one, I recommend that you do, it’s episode 26. Do yourself a favour and gift yourself some time to reflect on your own boundaries and think about how you could work on this area to assist with your overall well-being.

 

Thanks for tuning in, I’d love to hear your feedback. You can follow me over on Instagram at @drhayleydquinn and message me there or reach out via email at hello@drhayleydquinn.com 

 

Go well and gently with yourself.

 

Thank you for sharing this time with me today, I hope your time here was helpful and supportive. If there has been something in this episode that you have found helpful, I invite you to share it with another person you think might benefit. I’d also love it if you would like to leave a review wherever you tune in. Reviews really help to increase awareness of podcasts, meaning I can spread helpful information more widely. All reviews are welcome and much appreciated as I know they take time out of your day. If you’d like to be notified when the next episode airs, please use the link in the show notes to join my mailing list. Music and editing by Nyssa Ray, thanks Nyssa. I wish you all well in your relationship with Your Self and may you go well and go gently.

 

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Disclaimer
This transcript may not be an exact representation of the audio