Episode #3 – Rest
In this episode, I invite you to take a moment and briefly check in with how you’re feeling. We talk about Rest – What it is and what it’s not and how we can convince ourselves we’re resting when in reality we’re still busy, even when laying on the couch! I hope you enjoy this episode.
Hi, this is Welcome to Self™ – Caring for the Human in the Therapist Chair, and I’m your host, Dr Hayley D Quinn, fellow human clinical psychologist, supervisor and trainer. Welcome to self is a place where you can come and learn ways to elevate your own care and compassion, and place to rest, be soothed and at times, maybe gently challenged to think about yourself and your practice. A place to remember that you are human first, and choose the helping profession as just one of the roles in your life. My aim is that this is a place of soothing, comfort, nourishment, growth, and nurture. A place where you can also welcome Yourself.
Hi Welcome to another episode. Thanks for joining me. I’d like to thank Danielle for leaving a lovely comment about episode 2. She said “This is a wonderful interview. It’s thoughtful, calming at times, evocative at times and I found it to be such a useful framework for where I want to position myself now and moving forward in my career. Thank you. Thank you Danielle for taking the time to comment, it’s really appreciated.
I invite you to take a moment and briefly check in with how you’re feeling, just notice your breath and if you need to slow it down a little bit, then just deepen the in breath and extend the out breath. Mmmm doesn’t that feel better.
Let’s talk about Rest – What it is and what it’s not and how we can convince ourselves we’re resting when in reality we’re still busy, even when laying on the couch!
First, I want to start with, rest might look different for different people. This is in no way a prescription merely one half of a conversation, and you get to fill in the other half and determine what is right for you. You know yourself best, better than anyone else ever will. Having said that, it can be helpful at times to talk to people who know you well and care about you and ask them what they notice about how you take care of yourself, or how you move around in the world. Other people can be helpful in pointing out our blind spots, as long as they do it gently. And we don’t know what we don’t know and we can’t change what we’re not aware of.
I think it can be easy to trick ourselves in to thinking we are resting when actually we are still busy engaging in activities.
You might recognise yourself in some of these. How many times do you tell yourself you’ll rest and then find yourself picking up your phone and checking emails, socials, reviewing your calendar to see what you have coming up? How often do you tell yourself you’re going to take some time to rest and find that your mind is busy busy busy thinking about all the things and then before you know it, you’re up and about attending to them? How often do you tell yourself you’re resting when you’re watching a thriller, drama or action movie and in reality you’re not actually resting but rather your nervous system is on high alert. Now I’m not saying taking time out to watch your favourite show isn’t enjoyable and important but let’s not kid ourselves that it is adequately resting our systems.
I know I can be like that, and at times I have to have a chat with myself and remind myself that I’m actually still working or heavily engaged cognitively with something I’m watching. I don’t stop myself doing these things, I just try my best to be doing them intentionally and factoring in rest that is actually restful. Notice how I say TRY my best, because it’s certainly not always easy!
Let’s think about the difference between rest and replenishing, those activities that fill our cup, so to speak.
Resting might look like, going for a nap, snoozing in the sun, taking some time, even just a few minutes, to close your eyes and block out the immense stimuli you are subjected to every day, it might involve going to bed early to get more sleep. It might be sitting still with your eyes closed after your client leaves their session, or finding a quiet space to lay your body down for a few moments, or gently resting in your chair rather than rushing around before your next session. If you book back to back clients, you might want to spend some time thinking about how your day might be if you gave yourself some breathing space between each session or at least some of them.
For many of us, stopping and resting can be tricky, particularly when we are used to being busy and productive. Resting can seem like a waste of time or not as important as all the other things you have to do for yourself and for other people. Resting can bring up a critical inner voice telling you that you’re lazy, or you’ll never meet your goals if you keep sitting around. Perhaps messages you’ve heard from others and internalised.
So if you choose to rest and your mind starts to tell you that you should be doing something, remind yourself that you are doing something, you’re resting! Remind yourself that resting is actually an important part of your day. Resting allows you to refresh, rest can help promote your mental and physical health, it can help reduce stress, improve your mood, and actually increase your productivity. So, you can tell your tricky mind that one if it’s hell bent on being busy all the time. Being busy when tired may not produce the results you’re actually looking for. Trying resting for a while and see how different you feel when you re-engage in your work.
Now you may need to do this more than once to notice a change, but why not give it a go. As always you can return to how you’ve been doing things if this isn’t helpful for you. Experiment and see.
Replensihing or engaging in activities that fill our cup may include busier activities. It might look like, catching up with friends, going to a party, exercising, or engaging in a fun sport. It might be reading or listening to podcasts (like this one maybe!)
These activities are important too. It’s not one or the other, it’s just about being mindful and intentional about what you are doing. We know as human beings that social connectedness is really important. It’s how we’re wired. Coming into connection with others can be soothing and healing and of course fun. And it can also be tiring, exhausting and take time away from the true restful activities that our minds and bodies need.
How often have you said Yes to catching up with someone when really you want to slow down, rest and tend to yourself? That can be the tricky bit, when you want to do both, and they conflict with each other. Do you find yourself automatically responding, saying Yes because you don’t want to let the other person down, or you fear missing out, or you worry there won’t be another invite? Or are you able to give yourself some time to reflect on how you’re feeling, what you want, what you need and what the consequences of your choice will be?
Try your best to be aware of what is motivating the decision you make? Try your best to make your decisions from a place of groundedness, from a calm mind, in line with your values rather than your threat system. And remember, this takes practice, and no-one manages to do this all of time. We are all human beings with tricky minds doing the best we can under the circumstances we are in with the knowledge and skills that we have. So go gently with yourself.
As I’ve been talking about rest, let’s take a few moments to rest and soothe. If it’s safe to do so gently close your eyes (obviously not if you’re driving!) and notice how even just that small action feels different to having your eyes open and taking in all the stimuli around you. Our eyes are constantly scanning and moving all day, give them a moment to rest. Let them be still.
Now gently bring your attention to your breath and notice the rhythm and the pace of your breath. Notice if it feels shallow and quick or slower and deeper. Gently deepen your in breath. Gently lengthen your out breath and just spend a few moments with yourself resting in the rhythm of your breath. And notice how your mind and body feel compared to how you were feeling before you started doing this.
Take 3 more breaths in and out and then gently open your eyes.
Allowing ourselves to slow down throughout the day, even when our mind is telling us we have sooo much to do, in my experience can be really helpful and make a real difference to your day. Your mind will likely tell you that you don’t have time. It could take you less than 60 seconds and who doesn’t have 60 seconds. So whether you take 60 secs or 60 minutes or whatever suits you, I hope you can give yourself some time to rest today and notice how it feels when you tend to yourself in this way.
See you next time. Go well and go gently with yourself
Thank you for sharing this time with me today. I hope your time here was helpful and supportive. If there has been something in this episode that you have found helpful. I invite you to share it with another person you think might benefit. I’d also love it if you’d like to leave a review wherever you tune in. Reviews really help to increase awareness of podcasts, meaning I can spread helpful information more widely. All reviews are welcome and much appreciated as I know they take time out of your day. If you’d like to be notified when the next episode airs, please use the link in the show notes to join my mailing list.
Music and editing by Nyssa Ray. Thanks Nyssa. I wish you all well in your relationship with yourself and may you go well and go gently.
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