Episode #52 Lessons Learned In Business And Life

This transcript is computer generated and may contain errors and not be an exact representation of the audio.

Hi, this is Welcome to Self® and I’m your host, Dr. Hayley D. Quinn, fellow human, business owner, and the anti burnout business coach. I’m here for service based business owners like you to help you increase your own self care and self compassion. Change the relationship you have with yourself and your business, and help you elevate your business to a new level. So you can live the full and meaningful life you desire. We are all on a continual learning journey. So let’s learn together. 

Welcome to Self® is a place where you can come and learn about the practices that will assist you as a business owner, and get tips on how to engage in your business in a way that is sustainable for you. You will realize that you’re not alone in the ways that you struggle, because at times, we all do. And I’m happy to share with you what I’ve learned through my own struggles and my experiences of running businesses. 

You can join me as I chat to wonderful guests, and have your curiosity piqued about various topics and I’ll also bring you solo bite sized business episodes that can EASILY fit into your day. This is a place to remember that you are human first, and have different tasks in your business, and different roles in your life that need your attention and for that, you need to take care of yourself in the best way you can. 

This is a place of nourishment, growth, and helpful information. A place where you can learn ways to assist you and your business to thrive. Because remember, if you thrive, your business can too. Now let’s get to the episode. Hi, and welcome back to another bite sized business episode. It’s lovely to be back with you. 

Last episode I interviewed the wonderful Anita Siek from Wordfetti and I hope you really enjoyed that. If you haven’t listened in, I do recommend that you go back and have a listen to she has a lot of wisdom to offer and it was a really nice interview to be a part of as well. 

So I’ve been spending some time doing some reflecting recently. I mean, let’s face it, you know me, I’m somebody that does quite a bit of reflecting. 

But this one’s been a bit more intentional in terms of what have I learned both professionally and personally over the last decade plus, I’ve really tried to tune in and think about the things that have happened the way I’ve handled them, and how can I take this knowledge and use it moving forward, in my personal and my professional life and as I was doing this, I thought you know what, this would probably be a great episode to share. 

So that’s what I’m going to do, we’re going to go over some of the things that I have learned over the past decade plus. 

So the first one that came up for me was there will always be ups and downs. That’s really normal. Life just isn’t linear. Things are going to happen that you don’t expect things are going to happen that you don’t like and things are going to happen that will come and interfere with the plans that you’ve got. 

So I guess my learning from that was, we really do need to be flexible, both psychologically and practically. We need to be willing to change what we’re doing. So that we can meet ourselves and our circumstances where they actually are not where we want them to be. 

Another one is having good boundaries. This benefits you and others, whether this is family, friends or clients and I know this can be a really tricky one for many people and certainly learning to put helpful and healthy boundaries and flexible boundaries in place for myself was something that I worked on over many years. In my earlier life, I would not say I had good boundaries. And certainly now that is something that I do feel comfortable with that I can put boundaries in place because I understand better now that this is actually helpful for everybody doesn’t just kind of work for me and allow me to take care of my health and allow me to prioritize what’s important to me. But it lets other people know where they stand with you as well. 

Now, not everybody’s gonna like you putting boundaries in place, and that’s really normal as well. But just because somebody doesn’t like it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be doing it. 

Another thing that came up for me was you don’t need to have all the answers to start moving forward. We don’t have to have it all together. We can start taking a step and see what happens. We can start moving down the path we want to be on and work it out as we go and obviously it feels more comfortable if we have at least some of the answers, some of the ideas, but we don’t need to have everything sorted before we get started. In fact, once we get started, we start to learn more about what it is we’re doing and this can be really helpful in us actually moving towards the thing we want to do, or helpful in creating something that’s going to serve our clients or our customers really well. 

So just get started. Don’t let perfectionism and procrastination, keep you stuck where you are. Just take one small step. Like if there’s something that comes to mind now for you that you know, you’ve been putting off, because you’ve wanted to have it all together before you do it. What is one small thing that you could do to move you in the direction that you want to go? 

Another one was having a mix of cheerleaders and devil’s advocate, so to speak, because this helps keep you motivated. But it also keeps you connected to your wisdom. If you’re surrounded by supportive people, who will encourage you cheer you on, but also give you other perspectives. That can be really, really helpful. That can help you stay on the path to where you want to be going. And also when we chat and kind of brainstorm with other people that can help with the creativity and the ideas that might show up for us as well. 

So find your people find some good support. 

Another one in business and in life is cash flow is a wonderful thing, and can definitely lessen your stress. And linked to that is knowing your numbers. And when I work with people, I say to them, you need to know your numbers, particularly your business numbers, but also your personal numbers. If you can understand your business and personal budgets, you can make really great decisions for yourself and your business. 

If you don’t know what kind of budget you have, or what your expenses are, then you really just moving around in the dark, hoping that that thing that you’re going to purchase, or that investment you’re going to make, or that membership you’re going to join is going to be affordable for you and when we’re working like that, that can be really stressful. I was a single parent for many, many years and I knew my numbers really well. I got really good at working a budget, knowing how much I had to spend. Because if I didn’t, I could have gotten a real math. And that’s really paid off for me in business as well. So know your numbers. 

Another one I was thinking about was us being intentional about the tasks that we do. Because this can really save you from overworking, overwhelm and burnout and this is so prevalent at the moment, like there’s a lot going on, we’ve just come out of a pandemic, there’s a lot going on in the world, people are feeling overwhelmed. Many of you are feeling like you’re moving towards or already at burnout. So being really intentional about your tasks can help with this and sometimes you have to do work, you don’t enjoy. But it doesn’t have to be a lot of the time. 

Outsourcing can be a really great idea. Like you can try and do everything yourself. But that leads to overwhelm and exhaustion and you can get stuck in tasks that are just keeping you busy. They’re not actually moving your business forward. They’re not things that are going to make a significant difference to your business. 

Another one that came up for me as well was remembering that not everyone is going to support you, or believe in your big dreams and ideas. But it’s really important that you find the ones who do. You may have people in your life who are not interested in your business, they don’t want to hear about it. It doesn’t interest them at all or maybe you have people in your life who perhaps get a bit jealous when you’re doing well. These don’t need to be the people that you talk to about these things. But you want to have somebody that you can. 

There’s some amazing communities, some amazing groups out there for people in business. And you’ve no doubt got some people in your own life. That could also be part of a support system for you. 

So have a think about who’s in your life. Do they support you? Do they encourage you? And are these the sorts of people that you can connect with and discuss your business discuss your dreams and ideas.

Another one that I think is really important for many, many have us is to remember that you are far more capable than your mind might tell you. So stretch yourself. Lots of people talk about impostor syndrome, and the anxiety that shows up when they’re going to do something. But what would it be like, if you actually reminded yourself, I’m far more capable than my mind tells me that I am. 

Allow yourself to do that uncomfortable thing. Allow yourself to dream big, allow yourself to take the steps to do something different and it’s okay to evolve your business. 

As a human, you’re evolving. It makes sense your business will to my business has changed so much over the years. I thought I was going to be a psychologist in private practice, working three, four days a week seeing clients all day, until I retired. 

Life had different plans. And then I made different choices. 

I struggled a lot with chronic illness, I had to be flexible, I had to change what I was doing. But when I look back, now, I’m really grateful for that time, because it’s led me to make decisions and create a business and a life that I just love. I have variety in the work that I do. It allows me to be creative. I can work from wherever I want. All the work I do is online. 

So we can evolve and change what we’re doing to suit ourselves and the more we get to know ourselves, the more we can design a business that actually works for us. 

It’s like it’s okay to change your mind when you have new information. And flexibility is a good thing. If we start to realise that something’s not working, but we say to ourselves, “Well, I’ve always done it like this”, or this is how people expect you to do it, then that’s not great. We’re gonna get stuck in a pattern that actually isn’t serving us and probably isn’t serving our clients and customers either. 

So it’s okay to evolve. It’s okay to be flexible. It’s okay to change your mind. 

Many people who own businesses or who are entrepreneurs, are what we would call multi passionate, have lots of areas of interest, get excited about many different things, and are always coming up with new ideas. And what can come with that is I hear people say, maybe I’m just flaky. Which really saddens me. It doesn’t mean you’re flaky. It could mean you’re neurodivergent, like me, you you’ve got a mind that is drawn to lots of different interests. 

You have a creative mind that comes up with lots of different ideas. I guess the trick in that is not to get overwhelmed by all that creativity, and all those different ideas. But to be able to kind of slow down and tune in and focus in on what is going to be the next best step for me. What do I actually want to focus my time and energy on? What is going to be in the best interests of my business and myself? 

I should flip that, really and say what’s going to be in the best interest of myself and my business, because we are our greatest asset and if we take care of ourselves, then we are taking care of our business. 

If you have a mind that gets creative, and is busy, and has lots and lots of ideas, try looking at what the strengths of that is. 

How can you harness that? Maybe you’ll need support to be able to do that, to be able to stay focused in and really work out what’s the best way forward with this. But  try not to get critical of yourself, try and bring some compassion in. 

This is who you are and that’s okay. It’s wonderful. More than okay, it’s wonderful. 

Last couple of things are that truly an honest relationship with yourself is a game changer. If you can really look at yourself and your life and your business and acknowledged for yourself what is working, what is not working? What you enjoy what you don’t enjoy. 

What you’re good at, what you perhaps aren’t that good at and you be better off giving to somebody else. This can really, really make a difference. When we know ourselves deeply, we can make different decisions about what is going to be helpful for us. When we tune in and pay attention, we get to know ourselves better. But we have to be honest with ourselves about what’s happening. We have to be honest with ourselves about who we are, what we’re doing, what we’re capable of, what we don’t want to do, where our strengths are, and where our challenges are. 

In my experience, going through that process is an absolute game changer. 

And the final one I want to share with you, which is probably not going to come as any surprise to anybody that’s listened to me speak, is a compassionate relationship with yourself is an even bigger game changer. 

Life is tough. We are humans with tricky minds. We can have a default to be self critical. We can think that being self critical is motivating for us. But we know from the research that it’s not.

A compassionate relationship with yourself is far more motivating.

A compassionate relationship with yourself is far more encouraging. 

So if you can start to build a more compassionate relationship with yourself, if you can start to welcome yourself in the morning, check in with yourself and ask yourself how you are. If you can spend time during the day, just taking a moment to slow down and ask yourself what you need. Then you’re going to make better decisions for yourself and if you can build a more compassionate relationship with yourself, then when things aren’t going so well. 

When life takes an unexpected turn, or things in your business, don’t go as you would have liked. You’re going to be more gentle, you’re going to be kinder to yourself. And again, you’re more likely to ask yourself, what is helpful in this circumstance right now? How can I remind myself that I have done the best that I can, under the circumstances I’m in with the skills and knowledge I’ve had at this time and that is going to feel so much better than telling yourself that you are a failure, or you’re useless or you should have known better, or whatever it is that your tricky mind is telling you. 

Changing the relationship with myself through the lens of compassion has been life changing for me. 

It’s helpful in my personal life, it’s helpful in my professional life. And it’s just nicer to be in relationship with myself when I’m connected to my compassionate self. 

So take a moment now to think about what would be one small thing that you could do for yourself today and service of taking care of your own well being and either connecting to the compassion itself if you’ve already done some of this work, or starting to build a more compassionate relationship with yourself. 

You might just want to start with checking in asking how you feeling and asking yourself what it is that you need to make today a little bit easier. 

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When you have well being at the core of your business plan, you and your business can thrive and you can enjoy the full and meaningful life you desire and deserve. If this sounds like just what you’re needing, head to the link in the show notes, and come and join the waiting list.

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I hope you’ve enjoyed this episode. And if you have I’d love you to share out with someone else you think would benefit. 

Go well and go gently with yourself. And remember, if you thrive, your business can too. 

Thank you for sharing this time with me today. I hope our time together has been helpful and supportive. If there has been something in this episode that you have found helpful, I invite you to share it with another person you think might benefit. 

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Music and editing by Nyssa Ray. 

Thanks Nyssa I wish you all well in your relationship with yourself and your business. 

May you go well and go gently. And remember, if you thrive, your business can too!

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