Episode #60 Farewell to Season 5 – The Power of No

This transcript is computer generated and may contain errors and not be an exact representation of the audio

 

Hi, this is Welcome to Self ®. And I’m your host, Dr. Hayley de Quinn, fellow human,  AuDHDer, business owner, and the Anti-Burnout Business Coach. I’m here for service based business owners and entrepreneurs like you to help you increase your own self care and self compassion. Change the relationship you have with yourself in your business, and help you elevate your business to a new level. So you can live the full and meaningful life you desire. We are all on a continual learning journey. So let’s learn together. Welcome to self is a place where you can come and learn about the practices that will assist you as a business owner, and get tips on how to engage in your business in a way that is sustainable for you. You will realise that you’re not alone in the ways that you struggle. Because at times, we all do. And I’m happy to share with you what I’ve learned through my own struggles and my experiences of running businesses. You can join me as I chat to wonderful guests, and have your curiosity piqued about various topics. And I’ll also bring you solo bite sized business episodes that can EASILY fit into your day. This is a place to remember that you are human first and have different tasks in your business, and different roles in your life that need your attention. And for that you need to take care of yourself in the best way you can. This is a place of nourishment, growth and helpful information. A place where you can learn ways to assist you and your business to thrive. 

Because remember, if you thrive your business will too. 

Now let’s get to the episode. 

Hi, and welcome to another episode. And this is actually the final episode of season five, I really can’t believe that we are already at the end of five seasons. It seems like yesterday that I decided to start the podcast. And now here we are in Episode 60, I believe. And at the end of season five. So thank you for all of those that have been with me from the start. And all of you who have joined along the way. And any of you who are listening for the very first time as well. It’s an absolute pleasure to know that the podcast is being accessed by lots of people all over the world. 

Again, not something that I thought would be happening. So it’s really quite exciting. So what I wanted to talk about today, and we’re just gonna do a quick, bite sized business episode today is the power of No, the word no is one of the smallest words in the English vocabulary. And yet, it can be one of the hardest words for people to say to somebody else. Throughout all my work, this has been an area that I have noticed people really struggle with. And the thing that always comes to mind for me, is it’s not that you’re not any good at saying no. You’re just saying no to the wrong person. So what do I mean by that? Well, when you’re saying yes to other people, when you don’t really want to, or you don’t really have time for that thing, you’re actually saying no to yourself. You might be saying no to something you are going to do for yourself. 

You might be saying no to time with your family or friends, or just time for yourself. So I want you to think about that. Next time somebody asks you to do something. Do you really want to say yes. Give yourself the opportunity to pause and think about the consequences of saying yes. Would it actually be better if you could say no to them instead? Now the other thing about a No. Is it doesn’t have to be permanent. It doesn’t have to be no Not ever. It could be No, just not right now. No, not today. No, not this week. No, not under those circumstances. No, if it’s got to be in that particular timeframe. Do you see where I’m going with this? There doesn’t have to be so black and white. It’s yes or it’s no. It’s really about thinking about what do you have available to give to somebody else? What are you wanting to give to someone else? Because even if you’re available, and you have the time, you’ve got the space in your diary, whatever it is, it doesn’t mean you have to say yes. You can still say no, because actually, you don’t want to do the thing. And that is a perfectly valid response. 

The more you get to know yourself, and understand how you best work, how you want to work, what you value, what feels important and meaningful for you. In my experience, the easier it is then to be able to say no, when you really mean no. And not fall into the trap of saying yes, because you feel uncomfortable saying no to somebody else. It’s important as well to think about what is motivating you to say yes, rather than No. Are you coming from a place of fear about what people might think of you or worried that if you don’t take up this opportunity, right now, then you’ll never get an opportunity again. And I think you probably know deep in your heart that there’s always going to be other opportunities, they might not come from that same person. 

They might not come during that same week. But there’s always going to be other opportunities in life. So next time, you’re asked if you’re available, or if you’ll do something, or if you can just help out, I want you to really give yourself permission to slow down. Think about the question, think about the situation. Think about yourself, what you’ve got on what you like doing what you don’t like doing. And whether you really want to say yes or no. From a place of wisdom, from a place of being in alignment with your values, rather than this being a fear based decision. Now this can take practice, it’s not necessarily going to happen overnight, particularly if you’re somebody that has a tendency to just immediately say yes to the needs of everybody else. And many service based business owners can fall into that category.

You’re somebody that has chosen a business that is of service to other people. But I’m also imagining that you chose to start a business so that you could make some decisions for yourself. And that you could create the life that you actually want. And the only way to create the life you want is to actually tune into what it is you do want and act accordingly. And for some of that it’s going to take practice. For some of that time, it’s going to feel uncomfortable. 

But can that be okay? Can you be with that discomfort, so that you can actually run your business and live your life in alignment with what you want. I hope you can. I hope you can choose you. And I hope when you are responding to requests, the yeses that you give, coming from a place of really wanting to do that. And the knows that you give, feel good and can allow you to go and do something for yourself. I’m certainly not saying you need to say no to everybody else. 

So you can just do whatever you want all the time. There may be times when you say yes to somebody and you prioritise them because that does feel right for you that at that time, you’re in a place where you can prioritise somebody else over yourself that you can manage some extra time or some extra capacity to be able to say yes to that thing. And it might also be that you have some exciting opportunities coming and that you want to say yes to them. And sometimes you might have a lot of those opportunities coming at the same time. And you might choose to have a season where you are busier than normal. 

Because you do want to say yes to those opportunities because they feel really meaningful for you. They’re very aligned with how you want to be in your business and in your life. And that’s great. What I’d invite you to think about is, if you are saying yes to a lot of opportunities that you do want, can you also consider? How are you going to take care of yourself in that busiest season? How are you going to make sure you’re doing that with periods of rest, spaciousness. And being really mindful that you’re not actually heading towards burnout. For me, if I know I’m going to go into a busy period, I’ll do what I call front load myself care. So I’ll make sure I’m engaging in things I know to be helpful for myself, prior to those busy times. And then during those busy times, I just made sure I’m really checking in with myself regularly, that I am meeting the needs that I have that have to be met, so that my health doesn’t suffer. And that I’m feeling okay. And then if I can manage it. And at the end of the day, I’m in charge of my own diary. So there’s not many reasons why I can’t manage it. I’ll give myself a bit more time and space after that busy period as well. 

Sometimes I’ll book a week off. Other times, that might not be possible. So I’ll just make my days a bit quieter than they might otherwise be. Again, tuning into yourself, understanding you and what you need. And remember to take care of yourself as you’re taking care of your business. I hope this final episode for this season has been helpful. I hope you can practice tuning in, saying yes. When you really want to say yes. And saying no. When you really want to say no. Because when you do that, when you say no. Instead of just defaulting to Yes, it means you can spend the time and energy on the things that really matter to you. The things that nourish you and nurture you, the things that light you up the things you enjoy. And that way, both you and your business can thrive. 

Thank you for tuning in. I look forward to bringing you season six in a few weeks. We’ve got some more great guests coming up as well. And if you haven’t already listened to the last episode with the Yale, my first ever repeat guest, do yourself a favour and go and tune into that because it really is a great episode. If you have things that you would like to hear about, or particular guests that you’d like to hear on the podcast, do reach out and let me know. I’d love to hear from you. It can get quite lonely over here in podcast land. So don’t be shy. Send me a DM or an email. And let me know how you’re going and how you finding the podcast. And I will see you all again in season six. 

Go well and go gently with yourself. And remember, if you thrive, your business will too. 

Thank you for sharing this time with me today. I hope our time together has been helpful and supportive. If there has been something in this episode that you have found helpful, I invite you to share it with another person who you think might benefit. If you’ve benefited in any way from the podcast. 

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Music and editing by Nyssa Ray. Thanks Nyssa.

I wish you all well in your relationship with yourself and your business. may go well and go gently. 

And remember, if you thrive, your business will too.

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