Episode #63 Aligned Choices Isn’t Always Easy

This transcript is computer generated and may contain errors and not be an exact representation of the audio

Hayley Quinn  00:04

Hi, this is Welcome to Self ®. And I’m your host, Dr. Hayley D Quinn, fellow human, AuDHDer, business owner, and the Anti Burnout Business Coach. I’m here for service based business owners and entrepreneurs like you to help you increase your own self care and self compassion. Change the relationship you have with yourself in your business, and help you elevate your business to a new level. So you can live the full and meaningful life you desire. 

We are all on a continual learning journey. So let’s learn together. Welcome to Self ® is a place where you can come and learn about the practices that will assist you as a business owner, and get tips on how to engage in your business in a way that’s sustainable for you. You will realise that you’re not alone in the ways that you struggle, because at times, we all do. And I’m happy to share with you what I’ve learned through my own struggles and my experiences of running businesses. You can join me as I chat to wonderful guests, and have your curiosity piqued about various topics. And I’ll also bring you solo bite sized business episodes that can EASILY fit into your day. This is a place to remember that you are human first, and have different tasks in your business, and different roles in your life that need your attention. And for that you need to take care of yourself in the best way you can. This is a place of nourishment, growth, and helpful information. A place where you can learn ways to assist you and your business to thrive.

Because remember if you thrive your business can too.

Hi and welcome to another episode. And today we’ve just got a short, bite sized business episode, which I hope you’ll enjoy. I want to share with you an experience that I had recently, and talk to you about being in alignment when we’re making decisions for our business, and the fact that that isn’t always easy. So a little while ago, I had an opportunity to audition to speak at an event, and speaking is something that I really enjoy doing, and the event was described as something that really seemed like it was going to align with my values and the sort of work I want to be doing in the world. So I planned, I prepared, both practically and emotionally, because the talk that we were auditioning for was to be something authentic and vulnerable, and I had chosen to share some aspects of my younger life and my life ongoing that were challenging, difficult, painful, but also felt important for me to share, because I knew could be inspiring for other people, so I wrote my speech, I practiced my speech, and ultimately did the audition. Apparently, there were hundreds of people who applied to audition, and there was 100 of us that did audition. 

And after that, we were told that we would be notified after a couple of weeks. And we waited and we waited and we waited, and unfortunately, we didn’t hear for quite a long time. Ultimately, I was chosen to speak, and was in the top 5% of those chosen to speak, which was really, really exciting for me. We had to make some slight changes to the things we were doing with our speech. So I spent time working on that, and again, rewrote the speech, practiced the speech, put a lot of time and effort, and it was emotional, because I was revisiting things that whilst I have spent time processing, going back and really immersing yourself in some of the more painful and vulnerable aspects of your life is, of course, difficult. As it got closer to the event, we were still waiting on details of what was supposed to be happening. 

And I think a lot of us would assume there would be opportunities for us to practice go through what would happen on the day, and none of this stuff was happening. And then as the event was being described and marketed, it became obvious that this was not as it was originally described, and it really started to feel out of alignment for me, something started to feel off. I didn’t feel as comfortable with the way the event was going to be and the focus of the event, but it was still feeling important, and I’d put in a lot of work. I’d worked really hard on this, so there was part of me that just wanted to still keep going with this as the time went by, these feelings of being out of alignment just got stronger and stronger, and I spoke to my loved ones, I spoke to some trusted colleagues, and ultimately made what was a difficult choice, or was it a difficult choice? 

When I when I reflect, I think, when you really connect with your values and you really choose to be in alignment with yourself, the choices aren’t so much difficult, it’s more that they bring up discomfort of perhaps letting other people down, or being fearful of what other people think, but I knew in my heart that I had to make the decision that was right for me and the circumstances of the event and the context in which the speeches were going to be taking place, just really didn’t feel right for me at all. I’d booked flights, I’d booked accommodation, I’d organized to see some friends in the city that I was going to be in, and I reached out to the friend that I was going to be staying with during the event, and I had a really great response from her. And when I spoke to my loved ones about withdrawing from the event, I had a really great response from them. So I went ahead and I advised the organizer, and then I cried. I was going to say our ugly cried. 

But do you know what I was thinking about that the other day as well, and I was thinking, Can we stop using the term ugly cry, like, what’s ugly about honoring a part of you that needs your compassion and love? And there was a part of me that felt really disappointed that I wasn’t going to be speaking and sharing my story, but also that I’d put in so much time and effort, and then I wasn’t going to be doing what I planned for. You know, the ugly piece is a world that tells you that somehow crying is bad, unwanted, unattractive. Crying is literally your body’s release of emotion. When you cry, it releases oxytocin and endorphins and can give you a sense of calm. It helps restore emotional balance. I mean, it can even help ease physical and emotional pain, and it activates your parasympathetic nervous system, so helps you down regulate when you’re feeling stressed, helps you self soothe. It’s bloody brilliant, and it’s yours for free. There is nothing ugly about that. So I let myself cry, I let myself feel disappointed, and I kept reminding myself that I was making choices in alignment with who I want to be, how I want to work, how I want to interact. 

And for me, when I work with other people, or I go to people’s events, I like to support them. I like to post on my social media. I like to tag people in things, and that wouldn’t have felt right for me. Now, this is not to be judgmental of anybody else. We are all in different seasons in our life. We all work in different ways for different reasons, but I couldn’t, in good faith, be promoting the things that I promote in terms of self care, burnout prevention, and also be promoting an event and the people linked with the event that were working in ways that were the antithesis of what I speak about in my work, and the event was set up in a way that it was almost non stop, from start to finish, from morning till night. That just doesn’t fit with the messaging that I want to put out in the world. So by stepping away, whilst it felt challenging, it felt uncomfortable. 

There was disappointment and grief and sadness and all those things, it also felt really empowering. It was another step for me of building my self trust. And it turned out that I had an opportunity to contribute to a book, and wrote a chapter, and in fact, included a lot of what I would speak about in that chapter. So whilst I didn’t get to stand on stage and share my story, another avenue appeared, and I was able to do that anyway. So I think it’s important that we remember that sometimes, when we say notice to opportunities, it doesn’t mean there won’t be other opportunities that come up, because there will, there’ll always be other opportunities. 

It’s about choosing the ones that feel really aligned, thinking about your values. How does something fit with your values and what you want to align yourself with? So whilst this was a challenging experience, it’s been a really beautiful learning experience for me, and has allowed me to reflect and decide how I might approach other opportunities in the future, perhaps ask more questions, get clearer on what it is, and know that if something is described to me in a particular way, but turns out it isn’t actually going to be what it was said to be. 

It’s okay for me to change my mind. It’s okay for you to change your mind. Just keep tuning into yourself. Think about yourself. Think about your business. What it is that you want to do, the message that you want to put out there, the types of people you want to attract, the types of opportunities you want to say yes to and please know there is no right way to do this. The only right way is whatever the right way is for you. I hope in sharing this story, this has been helpful for you. I wish you all the best in your decision making, in your business and life, go well and go gently with yourself, and remember if you thrive, your business will too. 

 

Thank you for sharing this time with me today. I hope our time together has been helpful and supportive. If there has been something in this episode that you have found helpful, I invite you to share it with another person who you think might benefit. If you’ve benefited in any way from the podcast. 

 

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If you have any particular topics you’d like to learn more about, or guest you’d like to hear from, please reach out and let me know. I’d love to hear from you. Music and editing by Nyssa Ray. Thanks Nyssa 

I wish you all well in your relationship with yourself and your business. may go well and go gently. And remember, if you thrive, your business will too

 

 

 

 

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